Dear Lost1Flow:

You are welcome, and thank you!

“I’m not sure I understand your question? ‘Who is the Winner’? I don’t see anyone as a winner in my current situation. Am I just feeling sorry for myself, is that the underlying suggestion?“- no, not at all, this was far from what I had in mind when asking this question. What I had in mind was to move toward the possibility that your life has been sacrificed so far supposedly for the well-being of others… but there is no well-being for the others: they are still suffering… so what is really the value of your sacrifice? Maybe there is another alternative which would mean that the others’ suffering will be minimized but not at the cost of your life.

“I’m still ahead as the winner because I have my youth?“- no, you are the winner; you are the loser because you already lost all of your 20s and your teenage years before that.. and the sacrifice of your 30s is next, if there is no change in the situation.

“I have a lot of health problems, which maybe would be limiting my full potential of life anyway“- what are these health problems, if I may ask?

You asked me in the beginning of your recent post: “How did you move forward?“- it’s a long story that will take more than one post to answer, but I’ll tell you this, for now: first, I wish I moved forward many years before I actually did (and I wish that you will move forward way sooner than I did); second: I literally left my mother and country, moved continents and oceans away.. felt an intoxicating freedom at first, but too soon, the Guilt took over (just like you suspect it will in your case, if and when you move on). Freedom from Guilt took way more time and way more work than crossing those physical continents and oceans!

anita