dear Anita

it amazes me that they, the parents who manipulate their children this way, did not study how to do this in school. Parents who did not attend any school at all, not even grammar school (let alone a university), parents with a lower IQ perform this manipulation successfully. this is very interesting , it comes so effortless for them but can you imagine if they were actually smart?their ability to destroy other`s life would be much worse. as some infamous people in history did destroy millions of life because they were smart to get in higher and more powerful position.

i found out that most of people with manipulating behavior are relying too much on power of their words and effect their word have on others , they are too lazy or too dumb to actually make something valuable happen or  think they are too smart so they can  do nothing and sitting their a@@ down and still behave or talk like someone who knows all the answers or getting credit for someone elses effort  or manipulating others to do their work . i think if they had to do something themselves , it wouldnt be that satisfying for them , they want credit without doing anything so they can prove they are smarter than others .

But for the victims of this manipulation, it takes a higher IQ, education and years of hard work to undo the mess , yes they are so talented like this , good for them .

as 2022 comes to a close, how about a freer 2023 for you and for me?! thats great but we dont need new year or any other special occasions , do we ? lets say i dont have that faith on new year resolution , lol . we don`t actually celebrate new year now .

Also, how did you feel when exploding at the doctor.. and after: was it all joy or was there a conflict within you, some leftover distress over it? i smiled as im typing this paragraph , lol . in his case no way . i enjoyed it not because he deserved that but because all the expectations he did have regarding having sex with me and actually treating me like trash or at best having me as a side chick for whenever he was horny and he didnt get any of them , he took be for granted and it was so satisfying to say f you , i think he believed his behavior would make him irresistible and they fact that he rejected me , make me to want him even more and would do anything to get him , after all i was in vulnerable position but he was so wrong . i might be wrong , but i don`t think i am , i mean wrong about believing he was rejecting me in order to make me more , i would like to know your opinion about it

about other situations , i feel like i could be more assertive and upfront about what i dont like when i wasnt having problem with other person , so anger wouldnt be accumulated in me and makes me suddenly explode , i think in some cases excluding the aunt and step mom , another person didnt know something is bothering me or didn`t want to upset me on purpose . i feel bad about those cases .

hope to hear from you soon ,

far