Dear Helcat,

I’d like to reply to your previous post too.

I think you’ve got the jist of what occurred.

Good, I am glad that the dynamics is a bit clearer now.

I don’t think anyone likes conflict. It’s actually really hard for me to talk to people about issues. I can’t even look at people during disagreements because I find it challenging and often cry. I was taught by my family to passively accept abuse and it’s not healthy for me to do so. For me, even though it is difficult, dealing with issues is the healthy thing to do.

I see… you don’t like conflict either, however it is important for you to speak out when treated badly, and to talk about things that bother you. To not passively accept abuse. That’s a very healthy approach actually! Yes, sometimes conflict is necessary – as in, expressing what’s bothering us, rather than staying silent for the sake of false peace.

As I’ve already mentioned, I did stay silent a couple of times on the forum, for the sake of “peace”. You didn’t want that, and you spoke out…

The problem, as I see it, is that you wanted something from anita – you wanted her to at least talk to you. You asked her several times to share her feelings and talk about what’s bothering her, but she didn’t want to talk to you. She told you already in September that she doesn’t want to communicate with you.

Although, she did make veiled critical remarks about you when communicating with other members (e.g. she mentioned that anybody can misuse the Report button). Even though she didn’t want to communicate with you directly, she kept making remarks about you. She was expressing that she was bothered.

And I guess this was hurtful for you… So I am thinking that maybe you wanted her to change her opinion about you, to think well of you? As I said, I think you needed “something” from her, and this something was maybe for her to stay in touch and to think well of you?

This is just an idea… let me know if it resonates?

I hope you don’t mind me “digging” further into this… if you do find it disturbing or not helpful, please let me know.