Dear Frozenfirflies:

I wasn’t able to reply to you before today.

When he is angry: “The chapter about judgements made me realise just how much my husband passes around judgements and how moralistic he is… About half of all our days my husband gets unhappy or irritated about something with me… There’s just no way to get through to him“.

When he is calm: “It’s strange because when we are both calm, my husband does say it would be very sad if we had to leave each other. He doesn’t actively want it. It would be kind of like someone ending their own life not because they want to die, but because they see no way out of a situation“.

It is indeed as if he sees no other way when he feels threatened, no way other than getting angry the way he does. I think that fear precedes his anger. I am hearing the neighbors’ dog Kooper barking this very moment, and I am thinking of dogs: how fear and anger interact.. they approach a threat (a potential invader into their yard, let’s say), bark at the threat, looking threatening, and then they retract their steps, fearful.. then approaching and barking again.

Your husband is afraid of something. What is he afraid of, do you know?

anita