Dear John,

I know I come across as being a pathetic, whining loser

Do you believe this too – that you are a loser? Because this belief will prevent you from taking any action… What you’d need is self-compassion. Because it could be that the voice of the inner critic is very strong in you, and it adds to the voice of your wife, who is your external critic. So maybe you believe the criticism your wife is hurling at you, and you agree with it (at least partially), telling yourself what a loser you are. Is this what is happening?