Hi John,

When you have been dominated for so long, not going against the flow becomes second nature.

Yes it does, and you might believe that by resisting to her demands, you will hurt her, or make her angry, and this feels bad.

In 2016, when you tried to talk to her like an adult, your wife got angry with you:

Needless to say she got very upset and at times was clearly angry with me

It seems she also turned the conservation around and started complaining about her own issues:

It turned into something of a lecture about herself and her issues totally unrelated to the relevant topic

It seems she started complaining how hard it is for her, totally disregarding your pain. And perhaps you felt that you are causing her pain, and this is what stopped you?

So perhaps when you want to express yourself, or claim anything for yourself, she starts complaining and pitying herself, and this causes a sense of guilt in you?