Dear Tee,

I hope you are well.

It feels really good to read your message. It is full of compassion and understanding which comforts my heart. Thank you for that.

You made me see my life from a completely different perspective. Now I know that it wasn’t all my fault and that the lack of love in my childhood affected my romantic life. My father was the first man who broke my heart and I could not make better choices. Thanks to you I can see clearly how much pain he caused me but I don’t exactly know how to move on.

I’ve spent past few days by myself. For the first time I didn’t run away from my own thoughts and feelings but just sat there and let myself feel everything.

One of my biggest challenges is to make my own decisions. I am always afraid that I will hurt a person or that I’ve said or done the wrong thing. That’s why I always ask for someone’s advice. I am afraid of rejection.

Tee, how do I brake that pattern and why there is so much fear behind any romantic decision (eg. replying a simple text message, talking on the phone or analysing my every move and regretting that I could do it better)?

Also, I’ve got an update from the last man. I saw him in town and he asked how am I. Also explained that he had no courage to reply to my text message. He did not know what to say. It turns out he signed the divorce papers but doesn’t want any relationship right now and is not ready to go out. He thought of asking me for a drink but then decided not to as I am looking for something more serious. I told him that I’m also afraid of men as much as he is afraid of women but still would like to try and in the worst case we stay friends. His reply was that he thinks that I deserve someone special and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. It all seemed very honest.

I invited him to an exhibition but in the end he invited me to come to his place and eat dinner after 9.30pm as his son will already sleep in his room. I agreed.

Then I got back home and he texted if I still want to come over. One of my friends was with me. I hesitated and got second thoughts and wasn’t sure if it will be safe (romantic gesture like kiss and hug is ok but not sex).

My friend advised me that I should never accept same day meeting (desperation) and test him by saying that my car broke down and we need to postpone. I did not want to play games and lie to him but my friend did send the messages anyway (saying that it is good for me as I’m too emotional). Was she right? Tee, was it the right decision to find the excuse and cancel that meeting?

Then after a long while he called and proposed to pick me up but it was nearly 11pm and I refused. He was very disappointed and said that if I do not want to come to his place then he doesnt want to go to the exhibition. I wanted to see him but my fear was stronger. And my friend advised to go another time, but bit earlier and when the son is not there. Tee, what do you think of her advice? I thought it is better when his son is there as he might be more careful.

I really would like to give him the chance but don’t know how. Shall I just call him and say that I will come on the weekend but earlier? At what point shall I tell him that I won’t accept the casual sex but I can accept a bit of romantic closeness (say it in the car or when I get to his place)? How far is too far?

Is it a good idea or better to leave him completely and ask to call me when he is ready to go out for a drink?

I’m really confused now as I do not want to loose him or reject him completely. At the same time, I do not want to get hurt.

And yes, you’re right, I want a man who sees more than a sex object in me. Someone who is interested in me as a person. Maybe it takes time  Maybe he can open up slowly? Is there any way to know?

I hope you’re having a lovely week 💖

Thank you in advance for your support Tee. You are really special and please keep up the good work 🌷🤗

Warm greetings

Dafne