Dear Tee,

How you’ve been?

What a delight to receive your message.

Happy Easter! 🐣😊

It is a time of hope, renewal & of new beginnings. I wish this season will bring us more relief from the emotional and physical pain.

Some days are hard to even want to get up & keep going. Especially during the family holidays when everyone reunites at one table.

Did you have experiences like that – that other people don’t agree with how you see your father (if you ever spoke to anyone about it?)

Yes, actually everybody always agreed with how I felt about my father. Most of my family is not here anymore but as far as I remember, they could never get along. Even his own parents were not happy with his behaviour and his difficult character. It always had to be his way or no way. And if not, he got abusive & angry.

My mom was the only one trying to accommodate him, change him, give him too many chances. She denied the reality and sometimes didn’t want to hear my opinion and feelings. I suppose it is because she made a bad decisions in life because she was too much in love with him. It blinded her judgment and later she suffered as well. She might feel like it is her fault not listening to all the warnings around her.

She still pushes me to send him the birthday wishes, Easter, Christmas etc. I feel it’s not right.

I feel like I can’t trust him & there is no point in pretending 😕

All my friends tell me to forget him. They don’t even want to talk about him. For them he is not worth it. He only wants a child to support him and his vision. So no, Tee I do not really have someone to share anymore.

Maybe I should just stop talking and thinking about him? Maybe this will help me to move on faster. Is that even possible?

One of my friends had daddy issues as well but she coped in a different way. Just like you said it. She erased the memory of her father and never spoke about him again. She found a man who actually is much older than her and is happy to be like a father figure to her. He doesn’t mind at all. He understands her pain and wants to take care of her and love her. Is that a better solution for woman with those issues?

Thank you Tee for all your help & comforting words. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. I know that all our emotional pain has a reflection in our bodies, like back pain, neck tension etc…we are holding too much of that.

I pray for us to realise all that energy 🙏

Take care Tee

Have a peaceful time ❤️

Dear Tee,

I hope you’re having a very nice weekend. I’m planning to spend it reading & contemplating on all the wisdom & teachings you’ve shared with me till now 🥰🤗

It’s a good time for staying in as it is raining a lot here in the past few weeks.

Thank you so much for answering all my questions with such a deep empathy! ❤️ Reading your messages feels like a big, warm virtual hug 🌞

In my heart, as a member of this group you should get a reward of the year!

I decided to volonteer at a dog shelter. It takes me 2 hours to go there but it’s worth it. If I can’t share my affection with people, I will do it with animals.

One lady at a shelter told that most dogs suffered a lot in their childhood and still after many year are very fearful, needy for love but distant at the same time. They don’t trust easily.

The amazing thing is that we have so much in common with them but do not even realise it.

I always thought that animal lovers are good people and there is no way that they can’t share their love with others. Or if a man loves his kids from previous marriage, he will also love and take care of the new women in his life. It is not true. And the irony is that my father has dogs and knows how to take care of them but doesn’t know how to love his own daughter.

I never asked him for anything all my live (maybe only for a doll house when I was a little girl that he promised to buy but never did). And recently I asked for sending me some of his documents, which he never delivered to me as apparently he lost them or has no time as always. Now I can’t move on in life because the offices need the papers from father and won’t help me.

I think I’m not going to ask him for anything anymore but at the same time keeping in touch is more hurtful than not.

He already told me that he won’t come to the wedding if I ever get married (reasons: probably the man I marry will want his house or some land etc. or that he doesn’t like to travel & dress up for an old daughter). I had a chance to get married young so now it would be embarrassing for him to come 😞

Anyways, he thinks that it is too late to find someone to marry me now…

It’s just too painful for me to even think about talking to him.

What if my future husband asks about the father? And what if he wants to see him before marrying me? I know that my father won’t invite any man to his house.

Shall I tell him about my childhood? How shall I tell him without scaring him away? Will he label me as a woman with daddy issues?

Tee, I will take all your advice to my hear and continue my healing day by day. And if someone asks for a date, I will explain that for the moment I’m looking only for a friendship that at some point may lead to more but not now. Is that what you would say Tee?

Thank you Tee 😊

Please take care of yourself & I’m sending you lots of love & praying for a quick recovery 🙏

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear Tee,</p>
I’m so glad to have your news! I was worried that you weren’t well and maybe left the forum for good.

Thank you so much for taking time to reply to me despite your health condition 💕

I’m not feeling my best either and more health issues are hindering any spiritual progress that I was hoping to make this year. I imagine that we are struggling with similar health fears. It is so hard to deal with so many things at the same time.

Have you tried any unconventional medicine to help ease your anxiety? I’m looking into acupuncture and aromatherapy at the moment as I could not sleep well for a long time. It got worst after I reconnected with my father a few months back.

I told him how I felt and that I would like to give him a new chance but he got angry and shouted at me. He thinks that childhood has nothing to do with my situation.

Now he is saying that if I think that he is not a good father, I should stop calling him and he doesn’t want any contact with me if I ever mention my feelings or want anything from him. He said that his father never helped him and my life should not be easier than his. Also he said that many families are not in contact so it won’t make any difference for him if I disappear from his life 🙁

I felt so sad, disappointed & hurt that I cried many nights like a small child. Maybe I’m trying too hard to recreate what I’ve lost as a child which is impossible? Maybe he is not able to love me at all? He dared to say that children should help financially their parents. That was his understanding of having kids. I told him that yes, you’re right but as a child I needed you first…

Even his ex wife (probably financially still not divorced) says she can’t deal with him but they have too much codependance. Both tell me 2 different stories about their divorce, house etc. I’m not sure who is telling the truth. She says that she is paying for the whole house and needs to work hard but my dadd says it is 50/50.

He doesn’t want to help even with the matters that are simple and for free. I needed some important documents from him and he said he has no time and probably lost them.

Now all my appointments are cancelled and people are wondering why my father can’t help? I can’t deal with him anymore emotionally.

Tee, I agree with you that there is some strong connection between childhood and the future decisions that are mostly fear based. I’m trying to choose people that are the opposite of what my dadd is but still, the same patterns emerge. They are cold, emotionally unavailable, distant or angry types.

The last man seemed to be kind but also disappeared without a word. Then after 3 month told me that he is madly in love with his sister’s friend.

I remember that he asked if I want to get married and I told him that yes, I’m looking for a friendship that leads to something more serious like engagement and hopefully marriage. Maybe this was the reason? 😊

Thank you Tee for coming back to this forum and sharing your thoughts and kindness with me.

I hope you will feel better soon. The recovery takes time but sometimes even a warm word and knowing that someone somewhere still cares gives hope and strength to carry on.

Big hug 🫂 and take care!

P.S.

Tee, your profile picture is really nice 🥰

Dear Tee,

I’m glad to hear that you are a bit better and that even in that hard moment of your life, you still make something positive out of it. That is really beautiful 🌼
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes, I’m watching some of the videos on YouTube about that concept and it makes perfect sense. I am trying to find peace with myself and the past.</p>
Tee, the example with your husband really resonates with me. It used to be that one of my dates mentioned to me that he feels like my father. He said that he has kids and doesn’t want to be seen as a protector or carer of my needs. I wanted the love I missed from my father. I do not regret loosing him as he had terrible anger issues and also too ,modern’ for me.

He also complained about his ex wife taking his washing machine after divorce so not a great prospect 😁

I still believe that our man should be like a real father figure (protector and provider) and being needy is human. Maybe some men like that? Maybe if we do not go overboard with our emotions, it is something to cherish and not to eliminate?

I’m hoping to meet someone who is not afraid of those emotions but sometimes I’m the one running 😅 I realised that I can’t handle emotionally the constant chats on WhatsApp or on the phone. Why is that? I feel overwhelmed if there is too much exchange as well. Maybe it is the introvert in me and nothing to do with the childhood?

Tee, you gave me hope for better tomorrow. I’m glad that we could share our life experiences and help each other one way or the other.

You reminded me about that TV program called ,90 days fiancé’ where people need to decide to marry very quickly as their visa expires after 90 days. They live in different countries.

Your love story is very inspiring too. To be honest, I admire your patience as being in a long distance relationship is very hard.

How did you make it work? Did you struggle with any cultural or religious differences?

Also would it be too much to ask you which countries are you both from?
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Last Sunday one of the priests told me a very interesting thing. He said that sometimes the place you are used to is not the place you belong. This might be a sign.</p>
Anyways, Tee your kindness and support have been a source of comfort during this difficult time and I cannot thank you enough. 💗

Your willing to listen, offer a kind word & emphasise with my emotions have helped me feel less alone and more understood and I feel very grateful 🙏

Warm greetings and take care!

Dafne

Dear Tee,

How are you doing? I hope you had a good weekend.

Thank you for your comforting words 🙏

You helped me to see the things for what they are and not for what I wish them to be. I am much better now knowing that my feelings were ,real’, that I am not overreacting and that there is someone out there who understands my pain. I’m also glad that you  could find ways to nurture your inner child and feel loved again ❤️

Your’re right about my father. I’ve lied to myself for so many years, explaining his bad behaviour and suffering in silence. I’ve shed too many tears…

I’m not gonna argue with him anymore or beg for his attention.

I will try to live day by day. I only hope that those past experiences won’t mess up my relationships with others.

To answer your question Tee, I’m not sure what triggered my response with that last man. Maybe I was scared of him leaving me sooner or later? Or maybe I felt embarrassed that the stepfather can be more loving than my own father?

I did send him a message, he replied but still no 2 date in sight. He might enjoy his fun, bachelor life now and I might be too serious for him.

Anyways, I really enjoy listening to people’s love stories and how they’ve met for the first time. It gives me hope and inspiration that true love still exists and one day might knock on my door too 😊
<p style=”text-align: left;”>You mentioned in your other post that your husband is your best friend and helped you in that hard time. I find it amazing. Depression or anxiety should never be a reason for him/her to neglect or quit the relationship.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Tee, if you do not mind asking me, where did you guys meet? Are you both from the same country?</p>
Life is so unpredictable…we never know what’s around the corner. Let’s pray for our healing and to feel at ease once again 🙏

Have a peaceful week! 🌷

Dear Tee,

I am very happy to hear back from you & know your news. Welcome back! 🙂

At the same time, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with an illness. How are you dealing with your anxiety? Are you receiving any support?

I’m still experiencing some post covid symptoms & anxiety is one of them. I’m trying to stay positive but it is not always easy. Especially when you do not have a strong support system of your family & friends.

I’m trying to apply your advice step by step but many times my fear is stronger. I did learn to say ,no’ & to set some boundaries but I still feel really isolated & find it hard to trust people & open my heart again.

Most men I’ve met miss the ,spark’ they felt with their exes and their hearts are not available to me. Even after the brake up of their relationship, they still long for that feeling with someone new. Or they do not want to settle down at all.

Recently, I spoke with my father (after many years of absence). I told him how I felt, about my childhood pain & broken hear. He replied that he doesn’t want to feel criticised and that it was between him and my mother. Also he said that I’ve chosen this life for myself before I was born. I wrote my destiny. Everything is my decision and he will not care about any consequences of it. He also said that he has nothing do with my bad partner choices. For him it is a nonsense and how psychiatrist make money.

Tee, do you believe in that? I was really surprised by his answer and felt that it is his excuse for all the mistreatment. Did I choose this life and suffering before?

He never supported us emotionally or financially in any way. And now, he has a small piece of land near his place that he wants to sell. So he proposed that I could buy it from him as: ,nothing comes for free in life’ (his words). Apparently, this proposal is a hot deal & he won’t hesitate to sell it to someone else. I felt like it is a business proposal and not loving reconnection after years. I felt disappointed but couldn’t really say much.

Tee, what would you say or do in my place?

I hope you will feel better very soon 🙏

Big hug 🫂

Warm regards

Dafne

Hello Jay!

Thank you for your reply and comforting words. It does help me to feel that I’m not alone.

I’m sorry to hear that you went through all of this. I know how much it hurts. Especially when we never feel like a priority for those people.

But I’m sure there is a way to find the right people for us and to be happy in this life.

Jay, do you have any kids of your own?

I don’t have any and I decided not to go for someone with children. But he needs to love dogs 🙂

I believe now that it will save us from a lot of heartache.

I do not mind if he is divorced (not separated) or widowed, as long as he is ready to start a new chapter with me (without looking back). Children are for life and we will always feel neglected or like there is something missing in a relationship.

Have a good day!

Dafne

P.S.

Do you know if Tee is still on this blog? 🤔

I haven’t heard from her for a long time. Hope she is well 🙏