Hi anita,

I am sorry for the late reply as I have been busy with work the past few days. I had been thinking about what you had said and had tried to formulate some words.

Part of me believes that I was the toxic person as I had perhaps pushed him away a bit. Maybe he got scared when I opened up about all the health stuff I was going through. It was odd he had left for a few days on vacation afterwards and came back like a whole different person and began to complain that I was not writing him enough or letting him do things for me. Had he given me the opportunity I would have tried harder however he did not. Part of me blames myself for the way everything ended up as had I not been sick and constantly exhausted I wouldn’t have ruined my relationship. I have always been a very independent person and try to do things for myself if I can but maybe that was something that irritated him. Maybe I should have just kept that all to myself, however, I felt that I should have explained everything but maybe I ended up overcommunicating and being negative.

At the same time everyone has told me that I am not toxic and I seem to be gaslighting myself. I had tried to communicate and be supportive but whenever I did I was just shut down. I truly think I am a kind person but maybe I was not assertive enough for him. I was always afraid to argue with him as he couldn’t seem to handle it and would just shut down. It felt like I had to walk on eggshells if I wanted to get a point across. He just always seemed so unsure about everything he had to do but he never really seemed like he wanted to work on himself as a person

I have been trying to distract myself from thinking about all of this and not getting caught up in that thought tornado as it is not a good thing. I just keep on trying not to compare myself to this other girl.