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To love and be loved

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  • September 20, 2013 at 8:32 pm #42545
    Niu
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I’m having a difficult time getting through the sadness of this broken heart. My boyfriend broke up with me about 5 weeks ago and I’m still devastated. We were only dating for 3 months, but it was instant attraction and a very emotional and beautiful romance that never really got to spread its wings and fly. The main issue/obstacle of our relationship was that he has a daughter in another state who he wants to be with but can’t get a job there. He tried to give us a chance and stop his employment search, but the inner conflict he was feeling was too great and he ended the relationship after 2 months. But we got back together after a week because we really liked each other. Well, the next month was just too much for both of us! We began arguing over the silliest things, but found that we had good communication to work through these spats…still, it was too much. With the looming idea of him leaving and my feelings starting to grow, I started to get insecure. In the meantime, his work and ex were causing him so much stress, he started to withdraw. His withdrawal didn’t help my insecurity and he ended up breaking up with me again–just as I was opening my heart to him! Before I met him I was happy being single and enjoying life. I didn’t want a relationship, but NOW I long to love and be loved! Please give me advice on healing this broken heart and letting go of the desire for love.

    September 21, 2013 at 11:51 am #42556
    Macintosh
    Participant

    i feel for you, totally understand know how much pain you’re in. That anxiety and insecurity that his withdrawal caused, it fed your fears and you reacted, making it worse so then he ended it for real. Some men cannot handle emotions, let alone being honest and having a conversation as they can’t take the pain they cause, so they distance themselves and run.

    “We were only dating for 3 months, but it was instant attraction and a very emotional and beautiful romance that never really got to spread its wings and fly.”

    That instant attraction and intense feeling type of relationship for me now IS a red flag. Usually it ends not so well.. 🙁

    Anyway, the circumstances to your situation, his child – Is the major reason why things had to end, especially since he was moving. Eventually he will find a job and move to be closer to his child, rightfully so. Even though it hurts you and how he’s handled things, wasn’t right either.

    Grieve the loss, let yourself cry. Time is on your side and all I can tell you (from recent experience) it will get better but you need to really push yourself not to sit and cry about him too long daily. Keep busy and surround yourself with close friends and family, people who can make you laugh and feel good about you.

    Also, google and read up on ways to let go. Read all over this site and keep posting too. Venting is good for soul!

    September 21, 2013 at 3:31 pm #42563
    Niu
    Participant

    Hi Macintosh,

    Thank you for your reply and kind words. I does sound like you understand and that makes me feel like I’m not alone.

    I’m grieving the loss and am allowing myself to cry. At first I tried to close my heart to the love that was growing for him, but that was creating some negative feelings in my heart that I didn’t want, so I decided to let that love flow and to love him fully. Now I’m feeling sorry for myself because I’ll never get to share this love in the way I’d like. I guess it’s just meant for me to love him and let him go. 🙁

    I respect him for putting his child before himself and then feel even worse because of these unfortunate circumstances! It sure sounds like I’m really doing a lot of feeling sorry for myself! I know I’ll get over this as this isn’t my first broken heart, but it sure does help to get support from people like you. I can only cry about this to my friends and family so much before it starts to get old for them–I totally understand! Again, thank you for your words of wisdom.

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