Dear Stacy:

You are welcome and thank you for your empathy and for being here!

“a personal betrayal that he chose me because I was special (he voiced why I meant so much to him and why I was different than other girls he had dated frequently) to then dump me like I was nothing to him all along. And to admit to ‘wandering eyes’ for other girls. Ugh.“-

– You fell from the heavenly heights of finally being special/ chosen over other girls=>  back to the bottomless abyss of being un-special/ other girls chosen over you.

“The feelings of belonging and genuine adoration for the real me is something I have never had before“-  the feeling of belonging and genuinely adored was heavenly. And you felt it for the first time with this one guy.

“I’ve never been this heartbroken before“- you never experienced this heartbreak before because you never experienced (consistent) belonging and adoration before.

“I worry that I’m too thick in grief to ‘hear’ and listen to a counselor. I’m still stuck in denial and wishing for him to give me another chance“- you are stuck waiting for him to choose you again, to give you back the feeling of being special and chosen over other girls.

“I genuinely believe that my accusatory pressure over time, mixed with him still being in love with his ex made him panic and run. I beat myself up about this constantly“- stuck waiting for him and stuck beating yourself up.

“Everyone in my life has expressed to me how difficult I can be“- difficult as a result of having been treated un-special, un-chosen and un-adored for too long. Who wouldn’t be difficult with this kind of experience…?

I feel I deserve this because everyone in my life has expressed to me how difficult I can be

“I thought that working these two jobs and just trying to focus on myself that way would help, but no. I thought that having some days off finally for Thanksgiving for me to rest would help, but no. I thought that getting a new hairstyle would help, no”-

– it doesn’t help to focus on .. feeling un-special, un-chosen, etc., nor can you rest in these feelings.. nor can a new hairstyle bring about a change in core beliefs and attitudes.

“I do feel like I’m boiling over with this crazy need to express this grief in some way, though. I am an artistic and emotional person but I have no way to channel it. Drawing and painting just frustrates me, so does poetry. I can feel that I NEED to express/channel this some way, but I also feel exhausted and have no drive.”-

– if it’s not drawing or painting or poetry.. how about a story, that’s a form of literature you didn’t mention. You can type a story, your story- of any length- right here on your thread..?

anita

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