Dear anita,

Your post made me feel clear, even if its for a little while but I was honestly a little sad when your post ended , I wanted to go on a little bit longer and I really appreciate your efforts on the bolding and the italicising .

So yes, I followed your imagery and I found that he was no extraordinary individual , he was not any wonderful man . But I dont understand why cant I shove him out of my head alltogether. I realise completely that even the love is gone now because of the way he treated me but what I cannot wrap my head around the fact that it seems like he got so tired of me that he just literally threw me out of his life , how did I become so easily disposable for any individual ? how could somebody treat me so lowly and worse how can I still harbor this lingering feeling in my mind about having him back. All this makes me feel as if I am so small not worthy of love ever again. I am scared that what if the next person I fall in love with uses me in the same way or worse mistreats me more than this guy ? Even today , its like I keep thinking about this person the entire day , I just cannot get him out of my head. I honestly want to say that when I last talked to him a few days ago about which I mentioned in my last post, I again said to him that we were not so weak why cannot you fight for me ? Dont you love me etc etc . And his reply is the same that I cannot make my mother live in disgrace for the rest of her life. I dont know what to do .I think that I have not hurted anyone, mistreated anyone never cheated anyone then why after doing everything good why I have to go through this. What have I done to deserve this ?I am a very simple person when it comes to desires, all I ever wanted was a partner whom I could care and nurture , I never even looked at the monetory prospect , even if my partner has a small income its fine with me all I need is a happy home where I can love and feel loved. I never demanded any gifts from him, never demanded to go to expensive restaurants on  dates.All this seemed futile to me.I have never had any desire to dress up in the most recent fashion . To be honest, I never wanted a very high paying job all i wanted from life was an honest partner who would just love me in the most raw manner. This guy I was with, I constantly motivated him all these years to do something better for himself and for his family.When he couldnt find a job, I was so very much worried about his career  .One day after the breakup he said to me that you were like my mother, you did everything for me you left only those things which you couldnt possibly do . I mean like from applying to jobs to asking for referrals for job I did everything.When I was living in with him some time ago, I did all the household chores, cooked meals for him and cared for him like anything like he was the center of the universe. I dont know where is the so called god, why doesnt he see what I did is this what I deserve ?I feel that I was just a part of a large plan where he was planning to leave me at the right appropriate moment when it would hurt him the least.He said that he was also hurting and that he also suffered but i dont belive so, somebody who just decided that he will no longer be with me and said that to me and he didnt even need any other person’s help in getting over me while here i am 4-5 months into this thing and still i need to read posts hear podcasts talk to people to get over him.

In some days , my job will start and then I am afraid that I  will see people around me happy in relationships all in there 20s straight out of college. I am afraid that how am I going to cope up with being alone . Right now I am at my home and I have so many people around me to love me but what will happen when I will be all alone out there. I am sick of being depressed about this . It feels like a physical wound which just does not heal  no matter what I do.

I want to be at peace with my life . I want to move on in life . I want to focus on other things in life that give me happiness. But I just can’t.Please help .

Arctic07