Dear Anita,

“If I was you, I would kindly (find a way) dis-invite P so that you can spend a pleasant woo-hoo birthday weekend with your roommate.”

This is what I want to do, but I am afraid of losing P as a friend if I do that, that I would be being a bad friend, wouldn’t I be?

“1- disinviting her, 2- talking with her in a limited time and place context”

I will start with option 2 and go from there. I have a feeling she will get defensive and if she does, and cannot see her negative behavior and commit to working on it, then I will attempt to disinvite her. It would be easier if I could have a conversation with her and she could remove herself from the trip, with awareness that she is not in a good place that would add to an environment. If I were feeling drained and negative, I would not want to suck the life out of a friends birthday weekend. Worst case scenario is that she acknowledges it and says she will do her best and still wants to come… how to work with that is my next question.

I understand the concept of either letting go, trying to change it or removing myself, anything beyond that is insanity.

Seaturtle