Dear Robi:

* I am adding this comment after having completed typing what follows. I realize that In asked you more than 10 questions, and it may distress you to be asked so many questions (last you posted you were already quite stressed!) So, please feel comfortable to answer or not answer, read or not read. I would like you to be as calm as possible during this one more transitional time.

You are very welcome, and thank you for your appreciation!

“Recently. Very often I told myself I don’t want to go back there (Romania) because I feel afraid of falling back on the old programming/ on the old patterns etc. In the last 4 years, I’ve spent about 2 to 3 months a year living there. It didn’t really feel like I was disappearing again, but I often felt uncomfortable around my parents“- I didn’t know that you spent 2-3 months straight with them every year. You say it felt uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel terrible? Those 2-3 months per year didn’t hurt your quest of “growing up- becoming adult” (title of your thread)?

Or perhaps the 2-3 months per year felt worse than uncomfortable, but you let the worse slide off from your awareness (just as you let the t slide off from the adult, in the title of your thread, lol)?

“Having their words of disappointment and discouragement is quite literally the last thing I need right now“- What words of disappointment and discouragement have they said to you during the 2-3 months you’ve spent with them in the last 4 years? How did you feel hearing them?

“If I stay here, I won’t be spending time with my girlfriend–  and I understand that her company is the kind of company I want around me. I feel lonely without her“- again, seems to me that living close to, or with your girlfriend is the right thing for you.

“… In order for me to be there (without work) I would have to be supported by my family. I was thinking it would make more sense for me to go there for the period of searching for a job rather than depending on them financially while abroad. I would save money by being there and in many ways it makes more sense.. No?“- you are thinking about going to Warsaw (beginning of June) to look for work, and then to Romania to live with your parents while waiting for a job in Warsaw to materialize?

And your reason is that living with your parents, they will not need to pay your rent in Warsaw before you can pay it yourself?

Are your parents able to pay your rent in Warsaw, and if so, for how long?

I read that it’s 4 days by train to get from Transylvania to Warsaw, so that doesn’t sound realistic. I suppose it’d be your parents paying for you to fly to Warsaw from Transylvania by plane? Repeatedly? I wonder they’ll pay more on air travel for you than they’d pay for rent for you in Warsaw.

“Or maybe I just saw the opportunity to take action and go back and be close to my girlfriend“- seems like it to me.

“Ideally I’d go to Warsaw and find work right away.. that would probably be the best way things could play out“- I think so.

“It really sucks knowing that my parents are in a way, a threat to me. But then again.. that has been very often the case in the past“- it’s the sad case for millions of people, parents being a threat. Amazing, isn’t it. An emotional threat, most often.

“Or maybe until I build a more solid foundation and stronger boundaries I’d have to steer away from them?“- I think so. When you have a more solid foundation, you probably wouldn’t want it destroyed.

anita