Dear Anita,

Thank you for being so understanding! I think its a sort of pressure, but I feel some kind of fear or threat from reading these quotes.

I don’t know what to do to slow down. I think a part of this rushing is also because of my intrusive thoughts. This is what I wrote in my journal just a few minutes back-
<p style=”text-align: justify; background: white; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0in;”>“Sometimes it appears like I am living in a state of constant fear. Occasionally a fear grapples me when I think that all what I am doing and having right now could have been taken away, but on other times this same vicious cycle makes me anxious about not doing enough, not making the best out of this opportunity. What is the result? I feel that I am always rushing, that I am lagging behind, that I have been able to do nothing and others are doing far better than me. I feel terribly lonely at times, maybe I suck at making friends and social connections. Maybe there is some imposter syndrome. A part of me feels constant fatigue, partially because from the past two months my sleep pattern has been really bad. I cannot really sleep before some time past 1 no matter how hard I try, and I do not know when was the last time when I slept without waking up a couple of times at night.”</p>
Socializing hasn’t been easy for me. It is never easy in Oxford, but it has been particularly rough for me. As a result, at times I feel friendless here, all around me are acquaintances, course-mates and housemates but no real friends. Maybe it is all my fault, I am not anyways very good in socializing. I have exams in less than two weeks of time, that is also adding on some stress.

Thanks,

Kshitij