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kshiti1502

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 55 total)
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  • #434225
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I can post my email address here for you- kshitijjain415@gmail.com

    I understand that sharing these thoughts does not mean they will go away but I feel it is important to share them

    Kshitij

    #434205
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear Anita,</p>
    I had a session with my therapist today, she thinks that there might be early signs of depression, although she has told that it is not a surety right now. I think that this fits accurate with what I am feeling and describing

     

    Regarding the question I asked you, is there a medium (email or anything else) through which I share that thing with you. I understand if that is not possible and please feel free to let me know accordingly.

    Thanks

    Kshitij

    #434155
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I think CAS is something relatable, I cannot let go of my intrusive and pessimistic thoughts no matter what. I have also begun observing that my mind is somehow habitual of that state, of depression, of rumination and the subsequent hopelessness. I do not know if I have told this before but many times, I start searching things on the internet out of nowhere and read articles etc. which is not for self-help but triggers the vicious cycle of intrusive thoughts. I think my internal beliefs worsen my suffering in many ways. We have already talked about shame, and sometimes I feel that my internal shame binds me from doing things that will improve and enrich my lifestyle.

    My intrusive thoughts are causing pessimistic and hopeless thoughts these days. Sometimes, when I am in that vicious cycle, I ask whether life is even worth living if suffering is the ultimate reality? I remember your post about repressed anger, and I agree with it. That repressed anger overwhelms me during the spiral, where I  imagine hurting myself emotionally(I think I have shared this in an earlier thread) as well as pushing away all my friends in that anger. I will write another thread about the repressed anger tomorrow and if it is okay, can I also share one thread about my enraging thoughts that were occurring today.

    One more question, Anita. There is a recent development in my intrusive thoughts that first happened in the nightmare (mentioned by me a few days ago). I do not think if this forum would be the safest place to mention that, how can I share it with you?

    Thanks

    Kshitij

     

     

    #434118
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I could not understand the message completely, but it is not only a nighttime ritual. It still happens randomly at different times of the day and it is so difficult that even on crunch situations like next-day exam, my intrusive thoughts add on to my difficulties. It feels unfair that I am not able to experience and enjoy the thing I wished for because of these emotions. It is like a quagmire, all you need to put one foot over it and it will just swallow you in.

    Kshitij

     

    #434027
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It’s 12:45 here, I have an exam tomorrow at 9:30, and here I’m crying and spiralling from the last one hour. It began with scrolling of some chats of that time and led to a full spiral.

     

    Kshitij

    #434006
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I think you are right, I need to stop letting the intrusive thoughts trample over me. But sometimes, like today morning, it becomes completely overpowering. I had a nightmare/intrusive spiral while I was half-sleepy around 6:00 am, and it had some of the most disturbing thoughts I have experienced till now. I have an exam tomorrow but thanks to this nightmare or whatever it was, it took  my entire morning. I am feeling better now and back on track.

    Kshitij

     

    #433977
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I just observed how anything and everything can trigger my intrusive thoughts. I was listening to a meditation audio where one line Mark Williams said was ‘it’s enough to be here’ and even this line made my anxiety and intrusive thoughts surge.

    Kshitij

    #433975
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanks, I will do a google search  for that. I am a low tech person too, so can understand.

    True, these are like mental habits, and these mental habits make me suffer a lot. I will try to practice mindfulness more deeply in my daily life.

    Thanks

    Kshitij

    #433965
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am trying to get peer support here, it didn’t help much in the past though. I was scrolling through some youtube videos and I saw that a lot of people face the same situation as me. It is really not easy to make friends or social groups. Thank you for believing that, Anita. Every night I start thinking which ends up making me feel lesser, or unsuccessful personally and career-wise. That adds on to my intrusive thinking too because then I start to imagine what would have happened to me in that situation, I would have become a complete and total failure.

    Also, can you please tell me sites/blogs where I can access audios of Mark G. Williams? There are only limited ones that I could get till now.

    Kshitij

    #433950
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Your previous post did not trigger me in anyway; please do not worry about it, I am always honest anything that triggers me (like the quotes). Thank you for being so concerned and empathic.

    I do not know if it is OCD or depression, or something else; because I feel depressed almost every day. Every day there is something that makes me feel a lesser person, that makes me feel my life is not good right now. I judge myself for having these thoughts, because they are taking away my precious time and energy which I could really use in better places. Sometimes I just feel so weird about life itself, and in those moments I feel very alone.

    Kshitij

    #433947
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your thread above on repressed anger. Can I take my time to read it? Maybe after 20th when my exams get over?

    I don’t know under what context you sent the last message, but thank you for your empathy, Anita. Its not like talking to you hasn’t been helpful, maybe if today I am at least trying to resolve this issue through therapy or other measures, one reason is the support you provided. I am so grateful for your support, which enabled me to voice my feelings. I saw your message when I got up today and coincidentally, I had breakdowns last night, I am feeling that something is not right, something is not okay.

    Kshitij

    #433823
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I actually shared a document with her with parts cut from posts on this thread. But when in the session she asked if I could tell why it is difficult for me to share, I couldn’t speak on even that. I had already shared quite a comprehensive document but wasn’t willing to talk about it. She tried to ask a few different questions but I refused to open up.

     

    Kshitij

    #433821
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Sure. I will share with you about it a week from now. About the previous therapy session, here is what I wrote in my previous thread dated yesterday-

    I could not share anything at all. She tried to begin with asking the reasons why I couldn’t share this with her or with anyone else but I did not speak on that too. We then first looked at a ‘support system’ that would help me, which included things like watching something or reading, talking to a friend, practicing faith, breathing exercises, gratitude journal etc. She asked me to also maintain a journal where I write one good thing that happened in the day. I told her that I have been trying many of these for quite some time but it does not help usually. We then discussed that how I can help myself by changing my environment in the coming summer breaks. But we did not talk about the thoughts and emotions more or less. She told me that while I do not have to get ‘uncomfortable’ in therapy, I should also understand that this is something urgent and needs to be addressed. I do not know whether/how much I will be able to share in the next session.

     

    Thanks,

    Kshitij

    #433819
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I can include walking in my exercise regime. I will start  listening to Mark William’s audios today itself. This sounds good for a start. I will share how it goes. In the meantime, can you suggest me on how should I open with my therapist because I do not think I will be able to share anything in the coming session too.

    Thanks,

    Kshitij

    #433809
    kshiti1502
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanks. I can give my best effort for this routine but there is only one thing that might hinder aerobic exercises and yoga- I have some sort of nerve compression at the moment for which I am following an exercises regime already, it does cause severe pain at times. Otherwise, I am willing to commit to this routine. Please tell me what should I do.

    Kshitij

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 55 total)