Dear Carol:

You are welcome! “I haven’t sent my message yet but I am considering doing it in the following days. Sorry Anita, I know you advised against it!“-

You brought up the idea of talking to her in your June 26 post: “I don’t really know if I should talk to her about this or just let it go?… Maybe I could to share my feelings with her“, and I replied: “I wish you could let it go, but can you?” So, you see, I didn’t advise you against talking to her/ sharing your feelings with her. I expressed a wish that you were emotionally okay with letting it go because actions speak louder than words. and her actions in the last year include repeatedly  taking 12 days or more to reply to your texts.

“I have made some modifications and would like to send something like this: ‘Hi, There’s something I would like to talk to you about as I think it’s pretty important… I totally understand that now that you’re in a relationship, the dynamic is different! But I thought we would remain close. I would like to know about your perspective ? Also, what do you expect from me in this friendship?‘ I don’t want to guilt-trip her not to make unnecessary accusations. I am open to suggestions”-

-I think that it’s an excellent message: it’s empathetic, understanding, considerate, fair and kind.

Here are a few possibilities as to when/ how she replies to your message, and perhaps you can prepare yourself to these possibilities: (1) she may take 12 days or more to reply; she may reply on the same day, or anywhere in between,

(2) she may reply saying something like this: oh, I am so sorry, I was so wrapped up in my relationship that I neglected our friendship and keeping it separate from my relationship. I am  inviting you to meet my boyfriends and his/ our friends for a cookout on (date). Would you like that?

(3) she may get defensive, saying something like: well, I’ve been very busy, I can’t be everything for everyone!

(4) she may reply but ignore the content of your message.

What do you think/ feel about these possibilities?

anita