Yesterday was a very painful day and I had a breakdown.

Hi Helcat,

Thank you for sharing your experience  and I am sorry for the pain you have gone through. I will reach out to the therapist once I am back from my sister’s place

Hi Anita,

Yes you are right. Healing has been a zigzag. For a moment everything seems fine and I console myself  that everything is the outcome of overthinking. Then suddenly something triggers and I become sad and downward spiral starts.

Yes you are also right that I need to take all my decisions. But this is where I get confused. It seems every decision I take will result negatively and I try to think of all consequences from the decisions I try to make and I get lost. Even a simple decision seems an uphill task for me hence this results in serious procrastination.

Yes you have correctly identified that I have withdrawn myself completely. There were things which I used to enjoy. I do not do those things. The reason being fear of something unknow. I will try to work on this.

Whoever I am communicating with at the moment, I try using compassion and empathy and ensure I do not use words that hurts them. In fact in the past, friends who used to come to me for sharing their issues. I listened to them and provided help to the best of my abilities.  I was deeply hurt when I was having issues and looked for them. They were not there.

I have been smoking heavily since the past 4.5 years. From this morning, I have made goal to reduce it slowly and ultimately quit.

Thank you all for taking time to go through the post and kind words.