Dear Shandrea:

You are welcome. “I currently feel accomplished… for now I feel ok!… I love the whole me now“- good to read this!

“I  have a lot of family members blocked from my phone. They gaslight me, they also call me a names like Oreo (My skin is black but I act white.. My sister wants me to unblock and talk to them… Last year… my dad…  called me fat… and said I ain’t sh*t and I will never have sh*t… I don’t want to be a part of drama but I can’t keep these people blocked forever“- I would keep all offenders (family or not) blocked from your phone and from your life.

“As a kid I was forced to talk to these people but as an adult I don’t have to“- exactly: now, you don’t have to!

“How do you treat or communicate with relatives you don’t trust… I guess my son need to meet them too“- if you choose contact with offending, not-to-be-trusted people, do it not in a 1-to-1 context, such as talking with your father on the phone, or meeting him where it’s just you and him (or you, him, and your son), but in a public setting where there are people around, a setting where an offender will be too embarrassed to offend you (because people are watching): let’s say a wedding, a big family gathering, a restaurant.

“I also told him (your father) what I thought of him. I called him a cr*ck head sperm donor“- you pointed to and criticized his specific problematic behaviors: addiction to crack, and not parenting his children. In this criticism, you gave him an opportunity to consider his .. misbehaviors, and to consider changing those. If he was a good person, he’d say (and mean it): yes, I am addicted to crack, and yes, I did not take care of you. I am so sorry. I want to make it up to you now, just a bit..

Notice that when he said this to you: “He also called me fat“, he was  criticizing, not your behavior, but your looks, which is  nothing but rude. When he said this to you: “and said I ain’t sh*t and I will never have sh*t“- he did not criticize any specific problematic behaviors that he thinks you should change, so= no opportunity for you to consider positive changes. He was general and his intent was nothing but to hurt your feelings.

I am so sorry that he talked to you like this. It makes me angry that he did. You definitely did not, and do not deserve such talk!

anita