Dear Helcat:

You are welcome. I am sorry to read that you and your husband needed to take a break. I hope that the two of you coparent well during the break, and that it is a temporary break during which healing and recovery takes place. I hope that you and your husband reunite in healthy ways.

Here are words that may help you, words written by a wise person I know, words that inspire me: “Men are not taught to communicate by society. They are taught to hold everything inside, encouraged to not feel. Hide it, because you’re not a man otherwise. Society is wrong…

“Unhealthy behaviours are everywhere. Literally every person has unhealthy behaviours – behaviours which are considered abusive. We are all raised in an inherently abusive society. Is it such a shock? All we can do is try our best to manage our issues and try to help each other…

“Language is inherently flawed in that people attribute their own meaning to it. You shouldn’t feel like that. To one person means that your feelings are being denied and dismissed and to the other, I didn’t mean for you to feel that way…

“I read something and I didn’t understand it at first. It suggested to resolve relationship problems with unrelenting kindness and openness. Now, I’m starting to see the benefit of that advise…

“I understand now, that relationships are to be prioritised above ego and emotions. I am more forgiving now. It has helped my husband and I to operate as a team and genuinely improved our communication…

“Society doesn’t think very much of broken people. It sees them as useless and worthless. But society is wrong. Someone who has never experienced love needs love. Someone who is broken needs help to heal. People with empathy see that circumstances don’t define a person’s worth. They see who they are beyond circumstances and all of the potential that they hold if they can overcome it…

“I see now that it is a very old story that I tell myself. I am unlovable. I am broken. I don’t deserve love and am not worthy of it. A story that is only true while I believe it to be. I was just like my son. A baby, a lot of hard work no doubt. But full of love, eager to learn, trying to make sense of the world, eager to live…

“I agree it is easier to communicate when people don’t express anger as anger and instead communicate as you say with empathy. This is a relatively new thing that I learned to do this year…

I prioritise trust, respect, being seen and understood and my individual needs mattering.”.

End of Quotes.

anita