Dear birds of a feather:

You shared that this very busy distant friend, formerly a close friend, still lives in  the same city as you, but is no longer in the same workplace or social circle as you. Lately, you’ve been reaching out to him but he doesn’t reach out to you. When the two of you communicate by text messages, it “stays at superficial level“, and he doesn’t seem to be curious about your life, no longer wanting you to talk about how you are doing. He wanted to meet with you and catch up in 2-3 months, but most recently, he said that “he would take down the catchup and will just follow up in two months“.

“I know it all sounds good and polite but I wanted my friend back – the friend who would say more than that and talk to me… Maybe our attachment styles are not matching?…I am not getting why he couldn’t find time to connect through a call or a catchup even..  It would be great to become friends again down the road though – is that possible?“-

– you chose birds of a feather as your screen name. Online definition: “people who have similar interests, ideas, or characteristics tend to seek out or associate with one another”. I am thinking that unless you too have a history of being a close friend and then voiding the friendship without an explanation, then the two of you are not birds of a feather.

You chose Attachment as the title of your thread: clearly you are emotionally attached to him, and I am sorry to say, seems like he is not attached to you to any significant extent. Therefore you’ve been feeling hurt, understandably. Maybe your attachment style is the anxious type and his is the avoidant or ambivalent type.

I am wondering, when you say that you were close friends, do you mean that he shared with you private details about his life, his innermost thoughts and feelings? Also, was there any conflict between the two of you before him distancing from you?

anita