Dear Alessa:

I really appreciate your insights on emotions and parenting—it’s clear how much thought and care you’re putting into understanding your son’s needs. The way you describe the emotional support techniques makes a lot of sense, and it’s fascinating how distraction plays such a key role in helping him regulate his emotions.

Your observation about how adults are expected to manage emotions alone is a powerful one. It’s interesting how many of the approaches used for children could still be beneficial for adults, even if they’re rarely talked about that way.

As I read your reflections on the “terrible twos” phase, I recalled memories of my own mother throwing temper tantrums well into her forties—or fifties. This morning, I did some research about aspects of this phase extending into adulthood. Research suggests (I am paraphrasing), that the brain is most vulnerable to the effects of stress during early childhood—particularly from birth to around age 5. This is a period of rapid development, marked by an explosion of synapses (the connections between neurons via axons and dendrites) and the production of new neurons. During these early years, the brain is exceptionally plastic, meaning both positive and negative experiences can profoundly shape its development.

When a child experiences significant, chronic stress or trauma during this critical period, the resulting elevated stress hormones, such as cortisol, interfere with normal brain cell growth. This means that fewer brain cells are produced and the formation of neural connections is disrupted—resulting in fewer or shorter axons (which send signals) and dendrites (which receive signals). Such disruptions can affect key brain regions, like the prefrontal cortex, which is essential for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation, as well as its connections with the amygdala, the brain’s emotional center.

In summary, while stress can affect the brain at any age, the early years are especially critical. Adverse experiences during this window can lead to long-lasting changes in brain structure and function that may influence behavior and emotional regulation well into adulthood—as I have experienced.

Fortunately, there is neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections and even generating new neurons (a process called neurogenesis). While neuroplasticity in adulthood does not reverse the structural and functional changes caused by significant or severe early trauma, it can lead to significant improvements in brain function and emotional regulation, improvements that I am making these days 😊

I also admire your awareness, Alessa, of how certain things, like watching intense TV before bed, affect you. That kind of self-reflection is really valuable—it helps create balance while still allowing space for inspiration.

Thank you for sharing your insights and for inspiring me with your openness. I truly value our conversations and the way we can learn from each other. Please know I’m here to listen and support you as we both navigate this journey. I look forward to hearing more of your reflections ❤️

anita