Dear Anita,

I find myself grieving the life I shared with my wife along with her. I did not have much of a family life in adulthood since I never lived in my hometown and my parents did not live into old age. I also moved frequently, living in five different communities because of school and work, so I never really anchored into a particular place. This seems to have advantages and disadvantages. Frequent moves make it hard to sustain lasting friendships. But they also facilitate detachment, which brings some freedom and autonomy. My wife’s unexpected death removed the only sustained deep friendship I had remaining.

One advantage to my retirement home is that I have been here occasionally for almost ten years. I know people here, and have my brother reasonably close. I also have a sense of the resources offered by the area. Another friend has been discouraging me from moving here because he thinks it is too remote, but he has never been here. There is a city of 90,000 40 minutes away, and a metropolitan area of 2+ million 90 minutes away. So I can plug into the cultural life offered by the city as needed and retreat to my quiet place afterwards.

I’m waiting to see what happens with my job over the next year or so. It might be possible for me to work remotely, so I live in my preferred place, and travel to the work site occasionally. This is feasible. Another alternative would be to gradually spend more time at my retirement home in the coming years. There are options, and I intend to explore them. Anchoring here and becoming a real part of the community is important to me. I think it is the only real solution to the loneliness problem.

But I want to be nimble, too, in the event an opportunity opens where I can provide a necessary service to a community in ministry. So we shall see what happens. The uncertainty is often difficult to bear, but it won’t be long before doors will either open or close.

Thanks for listening!

Omyk