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  • November 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm #45063
    Julianne Lee
    Participant

    So I am facing a great dilemma in my life now and has been bothering me for months already. This all happened with a friend I never thought I would fall in like (love) with. He was the most aloof person I’ve ever met which I thought was a challenge for me because someone told me that he’s the kind of person who doesn’t reply to just ‘anyone’. I wanted to befriend him and I did. After which, I think he reciprocated my friendship with him because instead of me starting a conversation, he will approach me first and reply to my messages. Being the awkward person that he is, I’ve taken that as a friendly gesture. My friendship with him developed into something deeper because most of our friends noticed and teased us about it.

    I believe that because of the teasing, he started to become mean towards me while in front of other people but a different one when it’s just as two. He got me confused. Everything went out of hand when all of a sudden he started to ignore me. He befriended my friends instead. He would talk to them, reply to them and invite them over except me! So I was thinking he didn’t want to be associated with me anymore but he was just afraid to lay me off. A common friend of ours suggested that he might only be doing that because he likes me but has a difficulty of expressing it and that most of the guys do that to get the attention of their potential someone. I was oblivious as I didn’t want to romanticize any gesture unless he said so. She said I should notice the signs of him liking me but can’t pursue me as he just got back into a relationship (Probably also the reason why he was trying to steer clear) I didn’t want to be his reserve or his second choice! I’ve said and did somethings that might have hurt him only to let him know so he would value me more. But I guess he didn’t understand that or it came off wrong.

    I was stuck in limbo and became tumultuous which got the situation even worse. It became more complicated because he won my friends’ approval and affection already but now I feel like I lost him together with my friends.

    I believe that it all happened because of a misunderstanding. I can’t let him go. I can’t let them go because I was at my happiest when I was with them. I don’t know what to do. Every time I will let him go, he would approach me and do nice things and I always give in. Every time I try to move on, he will retaliate, get my friends and leave me out. What should I do?

    November 10, 2013 at 8:58 am #45093
    Matt
    Participant

    Julianne,

    To answer your question of “what should I do?” would require more information than you’ve given. What do you want? If you could paint the situation as you wish it to be, what would that look like?

    In general, if we have feelings for people and they treat us in a confusing way, it helps to talk to them about it. If that boy was doing that to me, I would accept the behaviors as interesting, then ask him directly why he does that. I would be heartfelt, let him know my feelings… both that I love him and feel hurt when he acts like an ass toward me. As for the friends, I would just keep on plodding on, sharing light and love as though nothing has changed. The good friends will overcome whatever put the distance between us, and the less close friends will naturally fall away.

    That’s me though, and each of us is different. What are you looking for? What do you want? That’s the key… its your canvas, sister, and the brush is in your hand. Your life is not being run by what he does to you, and you actually have a lot more power than you think.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    November 11, 2013 at 6:36 am #45115
    Julianne Lee
    Participant

    Hi Matt! I have been waiting for anyone to reply to my post. I told myself I will listen to anyone’s advice for me. Since we don’t know each other, it wouldn’t be biased. So with all my heart, thank you! You probably gave me one of the best and positive enlightenment.

    Today, I felt like I dragged myself to school. Just by seeing him everyday and talking to everyone except me. I don’t know what I did again but last week I smiled at him and he did too. He even told one of my friends that he’d go where I was. Then the day after that, he was ignoring me again as if pushing me away.

    As for your question, I want it to go back to “normal”. I want to be able to hang-out with them without the awkwardness. I want him to talk to me. I want us to be friends like none of the bad things between us never happened. I want them to “include” me. I just don’t want to be hurt anymore.

    Just to let you know, I tried asking him that… twice or thrice or more. I didn’t get any response and I probably never will. He/ they said, I was demanding too much from him. (This hurt me the most because I tried explaining myself why I got hurt by his actions towards me. I didn’t get any, not a single word from him why he does that.) I tried to accept that he will never tell me why which was unfair for my part really but I carried on. I even said I was sorry just to save the friendship or whatever it is that we have left.

    As for our friends, I tried reaching out also, almost forgetting that I, too, have pride. I seemed desperate, trying to push myself back in the inner circle. They did some things that favored him more not me, even the ones I’m closest with or thought so. I don’t think it can go back to the happiness that we had together. And up until now, I can’t accept that fact. I cried over it earlier.

    I am just trying to think that their main reason for not including me is that our friends need to separate us because he had the same feelings but he can’t reciprocate because someone (the girlfriend) will get hurt. I would like to think that if we’re meant to be together we will be… maybe not now, in time.

    Again, thank you, Matt! For taking the time to read my post. It’s too long, I know.

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