When we were younger, me (26F) and my older sister (36f) were super close. Especially when I was 7 or younger. Mom told me that she cried when I went away to school for the first time. But thats when some concerning behavior started showing up. When we carpooled together to go to school when I was 7 and she was 17, she didn’t want me to talk to the lady who was driving us even tho I talked with her all the time. She became upset when I talked to her and I don’t remember why.

I kinda get the feeling that she doesn’t want me to form any connections outside of her cuz she was the only one I’d talk to for the longest time. I did manage to find friends in 2nd grade, but I couldn’t keep them cuz I moved. I had a really hard time making friends since then. When I was a teen, we were still really close. When I got dental surgery, I had to stay in bed for a few days and she would crawl into the bed with me. She never liked seeing me in pain.

But as I got older, she became verbally abusive and criticized me all the time. Another reason why it feels like she doesn’t want me to have outside connections are the weird stuff she says. When I was 13, I told her I was anxious that this new group of friends were talking about me behind my back and she said they probably were.

Another really strange example was when I was 16-17 and I was texting her about my desire to make friends. She asked “Are you ready for friends?” That’s such an odd question. It’s like she was implying that I wasn’t “ready” for friends, even tho that makes no sense. So of course, that made it even harder for me to make friends. I want to think she meant well, but I don’t know how implying that someone isn’t ready for friends is remotely helpful.

Another example happened just a few years ago. We were in the car and I was telling her I was feeling optimistic about finding a boyfriend and she got this weird smile on her face and told me that in order to attract a bf, I have to be affectionate and that I’m not affectionate. Even when I’m trying to be positive, she tears me down, which is ironic cuz she always talks about how unhappy I am.

Another instance is when I told her that I was scared of pushing potential friends away and she told me that my fear of pushing others away will result in me pushing them away, which makes me feel even more anxious about making friends.

My final example was when I was having an emotional meltdown because my therapist just died and she comforted me at first but then proceeded to criticize me! She told me to not even think about getting into a relationship cuz relationships are messy and emotional. I understand that but that could not have been the worst time to tell me that. I told her about a meetup with a friend I met online and I felt like some of the things this “friend” did were maybe red flags. Then she told me that I’m the one who may have red flags, even tho she wasn’t even there! Seriously, how can anyone in their right mind criticize someone who’s GRIEVING? She had no right to tell me no to think about getting into a relationship. Its the second time she’s implied I’m not ready for one.

I just hate how she thinks she knows me more than I know myself. This isn’t related to the topic but she would say stuff like how I actually feel worse about myself than I realize. It really screws with me mentally.