Marie,

I’m sorry for the confusion and insecurity you’re suffering with, and can understand why you have doubt. Sometimes when we are insecure, we could be standing in a garden and never really see it, because we’re scared to let it in. Said differently, in the presence of your doubt, perhaps you push his love away, push him away. Even unintentionally, this can be difficult for an intimacy. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that “better catch” is perhaps a strange and unnecessary comparison. It makes sense that its there, but give yourself a little credit! You’re smart, devoted, articulate, a loving mom… and you have his heart! That other woman may have seemed to be the one, but when we’re young we’re just figuring our who we are and what we want. For instance, he was sharing his heratsong with both of you (which is normal… you did the same) as he figured out what he wanted. Said differently, just because he was unsure and uncommitted before doesn’t mean that he regrets the commitment he made. With the songs he shared with both of you… that is the same kind of thing. He was sharing the art that sung to his heart, and he wanted to share with both of you. Perhaps you heard it more clearly? It doesn’t mean that its less special, rather it just means he was uncertain. However, those songs were clearly special to you too, which is a great sign of the connection between your hearts. Said differently, perhaps if you see the song as “he shared it with me, which made it special” then it is natural to feel cheapened when you find out that he shared it with another. However, if you see “when he heard the song, it sang to his heart. When he shared it with me, the song also sang to my heart” then you can perhaps see why you two click so well.

Finally, there is often a cooling off after marriage and kids (especially with them so close together). It doesn’t mean that he adores you less… consider that there is a lot of change and growing going on, which can leave us a little tired. If you miss his heartsong, perhaps you could get a sitter and stir up a little romance? Consider that intimacy is a two way street, and if its cooled for you, perhaps its cooled for him as well! He may be missing it just as much or even more than you! Often when we are insecure, the playful spirirt inside us gets too scared to come out and play. He yearns for that goddess… if you just accept the fear, find your courage, and pounce, you may be quite surprised at the result. Namaste, sister, may you find your openness and joy.

With warmth,
Matt

With warmth,
Matt