Depression is a time to learn about the self, Which most people should use instead of feeling their heads with negativity. It’s basically Solitary time when ‘depression’ hits. Now fixing broken relationships, if ever broken. Now you mentioned that you’ll regain those negative vibes if you collide with her. That’s an already caution bro, Associating her with those feelings destroys your newly found ‘New Self’ After the storm. You need to re fresh, Apologize to her, Since she has already possibly found another individual, she’s growing just like you, no need to go back to that same issue while you try and grow. Then it’ll set you up and sink you right back where you wanted to escape. Now you can ask her on a date, if that’s in your best mind, does not have to be an actual ‘date’ just a time to catch up on each others life and then apologize and leave it. Results will come. As far as the Others, Easy as pie. You’re new, Different person, Just recovering, Spread your positive vibes with others and show them you’re a totally new person. Life is change + growth, never settle for one thing only, when there is a thousand more to go. Shortens your adventure. We’re all on the Search for Eternal Bliss, I’ve made that my life’s mission. Through being nice to people, working diligent, changing, I’m trying to reach that euphoric moment, Just sit back and don’t fight it. Makes it worse. Escape that old mentality and establish a new one, If you see that relationship as the same, negative energy invades you. That means you have to Re- Think on that situation, Whether it’s good for the self, or only makes it sadder. Your life bro, Live it to it’s deathbed. Much Love:)

Hi Lavender~ 🙂

I feel you’re such beautiful person! Please be gentle with yourself during this time as we all need time to go through our emotions. It’s normal to feel what you feel. The more we suppress and try to change what we feel, the stronger it becomes. So might as well allow yourself to take the time to feel what you need to feel 🙂 as it is also part of the healing process.

Through all relationships, we can only do what’s within our control. If you’ve done everything you could on your side, then we gotta allow other people to take their time to heal and process their own emotions too. The relationship you guys had definitely was precious, but maybe certain things need to happen first and/or heal first before you could go further. When I was still dating my husband years back, something traumatic had happened between me and him, we broke up after the incident happened. It was the hardest break up I’d ever gone through. I felt like I was living in hell. I asked other people for help and guidance and finally I was able to get back up and forgive. As I was able to forgive, I was able to talk to him once again in a peaceful manner, and things just started to shift from that moment. Now we are happily married, I am soooo blessed to be able to marry to such wonderful man. However, that incident had to happen for the both of us to change and grow. Trust that what’s meant to be will always find its way. You’re not alone! You have all the support you need 🙂 Pray for guidance and help and the Universe will bring it your way.

I’m sending you LOTS of love and light!

Lavender,

I’m sorry for your loss, and can understand how disorienting grief can become. Consider that when we go through loss, no matter the circumstances that cause it, we often feel regret, shame, anger and a whole range of others. All normal, all usual, and they settle with time and our tender attention. Because you’re diving in to figure out what went wrong, a lot of that pain is being projected into your mistakes, making them far more agitating than they need to be. Look, we all make mistakes, and are tasked with the path of figuring out how to find balance, nourishment and each other. So, you made some mistakes… it happens. To all of us.

But here and now, there is a lot of grief remaining, and so everything is painful to look at. This makes it an good time to intentionally set down the “figure it all out” momentum, and switch to self nurturing. We have to make space to process all those painful emotions, so we hop in a tub with candles, listen to soft music, connect with loved ones or whatever helps us unwind, relax, let it settle. This isn’t the same as avoidance, because we accept that we’ll look it over later, when our light is rekindled… when we feel a little less crazy with the pain of it.

But there is that nagging thorn of her shutting you out completely. That is a harsh break, but maybe its for the best. Consider that perhaps the pain she is going through is attached to you (when she thinks about you, it pains her), and maybe you have been successfully campartmentalized. It doesn’t mean what you had was false, or invalid. Some people just suck at dealing with grief, and they shut it down instead of healing it. And, that’s her right… its not nice to shove or push if the signal is clearly go away. Maybe in time it’ll shift, but for now, she clearly wants space. Which is good, because perhaps that is just what you need too.

Finally, please consider starting a metta meditation practice. Metta is an energy of warm friendship that rests in our chest area, and helps the mind become smooth and peaceful. This helps grow our space quickly, and is pretty easy to begin. Plus, the results are often quite quick, because our hearts really do long for peace and warmth. Much like a cool glass of water feels refreshing when we are thirsty, metta can soothe a fiery heart. Consider searching “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested.

Don’t despair, dear sister, there is always a path to joy. Consider that the vibrancy of your pain is from your love, just somewhat twisted around in knots. This means that as you settle, find your self love, your groove, and heal, you’ll be radiant and strong. Namaste, sister, may your pain settle and love blossom.

With warmth,
Matt