Ruby,

Your confusion is understandable, lots of changes have happened recently in your connection to him. Its difficult to understand those changes without knowing his side. It sounds like he is interested, but fwb or romance is difficult to say without knowing his side. This makes communication such an important part of stabilizing any relationship… we have to talk about the changes, our side of things, and ask for theirs.

Otherwise we end up spending a lot of energy trying to know, trying to figure out their side, relate to fantasies in the mind, and so forth. Said differently, if you’re courageous enough to have sex with him, perhaps you could find the courage to talk to him? Its a little interesting that “we had sex, but talking about our feelings is vulnerable, scary”. You laid naked with him in body, perhaps now is a good time to lay naked with him in emotion. Either he’s right there with you, or he isn’t… and its better to know, in my opinion.

If those were my shoes, I would accept the awkwardness of the changes, emotions, and future, and bring it up lightly, honestly, and with hope. Perhaps you could bring up your side first, with the tingles, the appreciation of the friendship, the budding feelings, the greatness of the sex, the enjoyment of the time spent, the tender attentions… the whole shebang. Let him know how his actions have been received, and perhaps it will strengthen his courage to do more, give more, or even pull back if he was looking for something casual. 13 years is a long time as friends… so consider that the changes are probably disorienting for him too. And, its not all in his hands, you have some say!

Consider that love makes us bold, and we can use that courage to open up. Yes, you might get hurt, but you’ve been through that before, know what heartbreak feels like. For me, the beauty of love has always been worth the potential of heartbreak… because there’s the chance that love will blossom. So for me, I just open and share what I think, feel, and see… and breathe through the responses as best I can, then share some more of what ever comes up. Along the way, we figure it out. Good luck!

With warmth,
Matt