Dear Jessa,

Thanks 🙂

It is good that you have come so far in overcoming your fears. I know how hard that is and even i struggle with some of the things you mentioned. I did have massive panic attacks before and there are days that being around people, crowds is so stressful. Nonetheless, I have come to realize that i do want to be with people but not way too much. I used to get confused about it all. I craved deep relationships but at the same time, kept feeling a nagging sense of discomfort in closeness as well. It was quite a contradiction for me. I ultimately realized that i was indeed an introvert but i also suffered from low self-esteem. I definitely needed my space to reflect and recharge but felt insecure with people whom i was really close to. I was always looking for “proof” – i couldnt believe that they actually liked me that much. The shyness and anxiety with people of my age, happened because of inner insecurities.

In the end, the more we practice, reinforce positive social feedback and continue to develop self-confidence, the easier it becomes to be with people. How i perceive what kind of person i am on a particular day has a massive impact on how i project myself to others.

Focusing on people is something i learnt from one of my best friends. She’s like the sun – warm, exuberant and the kind of person who smiles with their eyes, their entire face lights up. She makes friends very easily and told me that i simply needed to stop thinking so much about what they thought. i simply had to be myself and smile more – ask people how they are and remember things they said.

The more warm and positive you are, the better you will feel and make people feel comfortable with you. Your needs for a deeper connection will happen if you open up and allow people to do the same. Whenever you get confused with this, try to think of yourself as a third person…maybe a friend whom you’re trying to advice in such a situation. what would you tell her?

– Moon