Hi Annie!

First of all: congrats for your relationship – as it seems you’ve arrived to this important stage that makes it possible for you to face yourself (= hidden fears, needs & wounds) with a help of your boyfriend. And this my friend, is a great possibility for growth to you both.

My first advice for you would be to make a difference between the difficult feelings you have & the action/personality of your spouse. Yes – things he does and the ways he acts make you feel uncomfortable time to time. But remember: the feelings your facing are not actually caused by him, but are the ones you carry inside of you – and are now shed to light for a reason. That is – your boyfriend isn’t the cause of those feelings, but the messenger/mirror who makes it possible for you to face the things you need to process on to be happy.

I was just reading a book about relationships yesterday. There was this chapter about the paradox of having a good relationship that is: to have a good relationship it is a great advance to “know yourself”. And at the same time the only way we are able to gather this knowledge is through a relationship(s)!

So my second advice for you would be this: accept the feelings of anger and agony, but give up the idea of directing them to your boyfriend or yourself. The anger you feel is true and real – but its a feeling, rooted by some sort of emotional wound or lock instead of your or your boyfriends personality or actions. What is happening in your relationship at this very moment is that you’re getting to know yourself as a person! It hurts (believe me I know), but the great news is: there’s no one to blame – only things to learn.

I guess the reason why you feel so bad at the moment is because you most likely feel like being lost in the fog. You have these uncomfortable feelings and don’t really know where they come from or how to handle them. When we feel anger or frustration we often get this urge to control things outside us – when its in the end our inner chaos we must solve to find the peace.

The miracle of love is that you can never really have it or lose it – you can only share it. Your boyfriend doesn’t actually have any outer responsibilities towards you – but at the moment he’s sharing the journey and walking beside you. And the thing to worry about isn’t what he’s going to do the next, but what you are. Life is about becoming the best possible you, in the end.

P.s. It might be a good idea to check this site:
http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2722/when-you-feel-hurt-by-your-partner.html