Doctor Mojo,

I’m sorry for your grief, dear friend, and happy you find some comfort from the TB community. When we’re scared we’re unlovable, broken, other people’s rejection is painful indeed. Almost like a conceptual allergy. Her rejection smacked you in the esteem, and next thing you know you go into shock. Ouch!

The problem I’m sensing is that your mind is using her words as proof that you suck, are destined for isolation, are this, are that. Perhaps those kisses you shared similarly were proof for you of an upswing? Both false, both sides no, negative, not yours.

Consider that you don’t want someone to just kiss, you wish for someone to build something with. She is saying “not me, sorry”, because she wants to wine and dine her way. Good for her, perhaps, but that’s not where you’re aiming. I like your aim, and trust it.

Consider a different approach. Even if the lips are soft and the hips curvy, don’t let women define you. It doesn’t help them,doesn’t help you, and they’re not accurate. Sometimes they can give you hints at things you don’t see, but letting their words overwhelm your own good senses leaves you vulnerable to an inordinate amount of pain.

For instance, you’re not too focused on business,your words clearly describe a man that is using it like a crutch for a broken ankle… deep focus on safe patterns as you grieve and heal. If my heart sees that though some words, a woman open to you would see that too. She didn’t, but that’s just how it goes. Nothing to do with you, really, just incompatible aims. She said point blank she wanted light, fun, and from her choices seems to err on the side of shallow. If you look back on the dance you shared with her, I’m sure you can see why it didn’t work. If the loneliness weren’t there, my guess is it wouldn’t even have blipped much. “Yeah, me too, have a good life.” Onward!

I’m guessing you never kept at that metta meditation practice, am I right? “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on youtube, if interested. When the mind turns inward, pushing too much self reflection, our momentum breaks like a bone snapping. I can’t put on the cast for you, doc, its between your butt and a cushion. Consider, when we intentionally spend time thinking specific ideas,our emotions, mind and momentum heals. Metta makes the mind smooth, peaceful, brings authentic happiness. Like a cast, letting the tender fractures heal within a rigid structure so when we dance, it is joyous, light. Only when we do it, though! 🙂

With warmth,
Matt