First off you are not bad. Secondly you shouldn’t feel guilty, but you do and that is alright accept it, because you lost a person you greatly care for and it was due to your situation, but remember everyone involved is human and that can make things confusing. I am sorry where I am from arranged marriages aren’t that prevalent although I have talked and known people that way their method of choosing marriage partners. I am not sure how your relationship is with your husband you didn’t say much about it other than not being happy, but in your co-worker you felt a connection that eventually turned into a romantic connection while it seems you never developed a romantic connection with your husband. I’m not an expert, but it sounds like you and your co-worker just had an effortless connection between each other, I just mean that you didn’t have to do a whole lot of digging to figure out what you had to connect with each other about. It is hard to deal with that, when we meet someone of the opposite sex and everything just seems effortless, but we must resist even letting it get to that when we’re already committed. If that person was a person of the same sex, they would be our best friend forever. We all wish to have marriages that are effortless, but they aren’t and we go into a marriage making vows to that person and when we think that the grass is greener on the other side we must reassess in view of what exactly our marriage commitment means and whether maybe we just need to give our marriage more attention and maybe it will blossom in to a beautiful garden or maybe it won’t. Your co-worker being a man should have known better, obviously he knew you are married. I think the relationship hurt you more than him, it feels good to give and get attention, but why is he trying to get it from you a married woman? That is one of the biggest no, no’s for anyone, anywhere and there are always consequences of some kind. Being a man myself, I can only think that he has other motives even if he is unaware of them. People can be great actors, especially when it comes to “love” and relationships. Maybe he isn’t all that confident and that is why he was competitive or maybe he saw you as a competition? By him making you fall in love with him, he would have been getting a great boost to his ego. I’m sorry to make him out as a bad guy, but he knew you were married and people can have hidden motives even if we don’t want them to or believe it and they may not even know it. And it sounds like when you sent him that email he was trying to get some type of feeling out of you, he should be more understanding if he knows you and cares for you so much! He is hurting you way more than any friend would ever do!