A lot of times people get into arguments its simply the one person seems to attack the other when they have done wrong, “There you go! You’re doing it again!”
“Doing what again?!?”
“Don’t play stupid with me!” And the person storms out of the room and a door slams in another part of the house while the other person giggles at their ability to get under their skin.
and that just leads into a never ending script. That’s just an example I have no idea how you and your husband actually communicate.
It would be better to start the conversation as such, “When you [behavior] it really causes me to feel as if you aren’t interested in me and that really hurts my self esteem.”
I think that style of communication really opens up to more civil conversation, because then he may reveal why he acts in the way that hurts you, “I’m sorry its just that I feel like you don’t try yourself.” It is a more direct and assertive way to communicate, not aggressive and not passive.