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June 18, 2014 at 1:11 pm #59105Gene Michael TrujilloParticipant
I just graduated from college last month and I been miserable residing in a house by campus with three other people. The two roommates are fine, we deal with conflicts and move on. But there is the one roommate who cannot stand me with whatever I do. She’s a bully. She often calls me (I do not like this word because of its connotations) “retarded” and “slow” and says many hurtful things that attack my own character. She smokes marijuana all the time, is often lazy and inconsiderate, and I feel that living with them since March has tested my own relationship to myself and my own values. It made me question a lot of things, and truthfully, it made me an ugly person: I shouted directly at them (I’m not one to raise my own voice), was influenced by their lifestyle, and ignored my own goals. It forced me to lie about finances, to cover up my lies, when things got bad I would leave to a bar or with friends to drink and ignore them. This isn’t me. This is not the life that I’m suppose to be living. I’m suppose to be living with good people who push me forward and have a good relationship with everyone. I have tried to reason with them about my unstable financial situation and she seems to fly off the handle and criticize me personally (“Must be nice to live off of mommy and daddy’s money!”). It seems like she is not empathetic and I’m saddened that she doesn’t think highly of me. Fortunately, I leave the place in two weeks, but I would like to be civil with them as possible and it hurts that no matter how calm I try to talk to them in a rational manner, they just use this negative, angry voice.
June 18, 2014 at 4:51 pm #59115MikeParticipantI am a bit confused because you started by saying that you are fine with the two roommates, and not with the one who is a she. You explain how she is to you, but then the last sentence you say how they and them use what you say against you. Either way, get out of there. Living with roommates in a campus rental house is not something you want to continue doing once you are out of college. Think about it like this, you graduated from college and you are also graduating from your roommates. If you can only afford to live with roommates then find roommates that have similar values as yourself. Maybe find a rental that features separate living quarters, rather than shared bathrooms and kitchen you get your own if you can afford it. As for what she says, let it go… Who cares unless you find it to be true. You will never have to talk or see her again, so she will have to find someone else to belittle in order to lift herself up. If you let what others say bother you, then to them they have “won.” Some people see life as win/lose and try to figure out who they are beating and in order to make sure they get ahead or bring someone down they use those tactics. Be civil, but if what she says is not true then it requires no response and your brain shouldn’t even register it. This will probably greatly irritate her, but that shouldn’t be your motive your motive should be to get it across to her that you do not care enough of her opinion to listen. And the finale will be you moving out. If you want to be cool with the other roommates tell them that you don’t have a problem with them, but it is time for you to get a new place and that you’d like to keep in touch or don’t, but don’t feel guilty about doing something for yourself when you are in such a situation.
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