Hello.

You had changed your profile, so I am not sure which name to call you. Out of curiosity, why the change?

I can relate to what you are saying through my own history. Now that it is in the past for me, it is easier to see things from another perspective.

First of all, when one is depressed, the whole narrative changes. How you explain to yourself everything is vastly different from how you would explain your life events if you weren’t in a depressed state of mind. So yes, it is good to accept the feelings of pain, but to create a story around it might lead you onto a wrong path, away from the actual truth. By all means document your feelings and express the pain, but do be careful, as words are very powerful.

My personal view of depression is when one lives a life that is not in sync with what is actually happening. Constantly wishing that things were different or obsessive thoughts about the past or fear about the future. The life that is lived in those moments is not actual living, but rather, being in a state of mind removed from life.

I got a lot of attention when I was a young woman, yet still always felt like nobody could actually see me. The real me. It was horrible and whilst I wouldn’t describe the feeling as loneliness, it was still a state of not being connected with other people. Only now do I realize that I was the one who prevented the connection. I didn’t allow people to see the real me and I was constantly shielding myself in various ways. Partly still do. So, what was inside of me, my core, that so needed a human connection, slowly withered and suffered. The more I suffered, the more I came up with ways to protect myself from the very thing that would’ve brought life back to me. So yes, I know that you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, but you are the only one who can change that. You are the gatekeeper to your own authentic existence.

It is also not just human connection, but connection with your surroundings, connecting with animals, plants, the earth, the sun… When depressed, it feels like sun doesn’t quite shine through and the life giving rays are blocked. But that sun is needed, just like all the rest of it is needed to feel alive.

It is possible to do everything “right” and still not reach the state of being truly alive. It is also possible to do everything “wrong” and feel the life force rushing through your veins. The difference is in the attitude, and an attitude can not be faked.

What did you want to do when you were a child? What were your dreams and aspirations? What made you feel happy? What made you feel safe? If you can remember those things, then that is one way to access your authenticity; the time before adulthood, when being and living a certain way become a way to fit in. It is so very important to accept and tend to all parts of ourselves, even when we think that they are not acceptable. Especially if we think that they are not acceptable! You can’t live fully whilst denying a part of you.

Also, try not to over-think things. Feel instead. Sit in the sun for a moment, and open your heart. Touch the grass and smell it, feel it, experience it. Without trying to think what it feels like. That would also be an authentic experience. Words can create a buffer between you and life, and removing them for a moment can create intimacy.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by The Ruminant.