Hey Peppy!

I have gone through a similar situation – hopefully my perspective can provide some insight. Almost 3 years ago I found out my ex of 5 years was cheating on me. It was a huge blow to my self esteem and took an immense emotional toll on me. I resolved to break up with him, convinced that I could never learn nor did I want to learn to trust him again. However we still saw each other because I didn’t know how to let go. A few months later I met someone else who made me feel so happy, loved and secure. He said he loved me a few months into dating and I felt the same exact thing you are feeling now. I felt guilty because I had “moved on” so fast, and I knew I needed to mourn my previous relationship. But I also felt like, what the hell! I deserve to be happy, to feel great, why not let this man into my life and enjoy myself. Now almost 3 years later our relationship unfortunately hasnt been the happiest or easiest to navigate. He in fact broke up with me a few months ago but we’re still “complicated”. When I reflect upon our relationship and how it started and how could I have done things differently…I really do wish I had taken time for myself to really mourn my previous relationship and heal from the hurts I experienced. I brought a lot of the same flaws that I had in my past relationship into my current one plus many insecurities that developed as a result of feeling betrayed by my ex. I feel like if I took that time for myself, I could have entered this relationship more grounded and emotionally strong. Now I’m feeling stuck in this weird situation that is unhealthy for the both of us and I still haven’t learned to “let go”.

I really do hope your relationship with your new partner turns out a whole lot better than mine did :). I also think its important to really be mindful of yourself, what do you really need. What is the real reason you are in this new relationship? If you are really in love with your new partner, then amazing! That’s something to be celebrated. But don’t get stuck in a new relationship just because being alone after 10 years is scary. It is hard, I’m struggling with it as well.

Good luck to you :).