I recently ended a 10 year relationship with my long term boyfriend. After not feeling loved, respected, appreciated, supported etc. for over 3 years. I didn’t realize how un-happy I was until witnessing close friends and family being so happy and loving together (which we used to be a long time ago). It took me a few months to realize what I was unhappy about. I tried to approach the subject of our future and happiness one day and was treated with the silent treatment for a weekend. Then things resumed as normal the week after (this was typical of our ‘arguments’, i’d just let things go…) the weekend after I tried to break up with him, i’d reached my limit and if he didn’t want to discuss our future I assumed he didn’t want one with me. We agreed after a day of talking to give it a month. Unfortunately I was already done, in my heart I just couldn’t handle it anymore. He acted completely opposite to me during this week as he had in the last 3 years – overly affectionate, wanting to spend every minute together and to join me on all my solo activities, running, shopping, cleaning etc. He did make an effort but It was too late, I checked out (as I felt he had already). I left the following weekend after a week of being stressed, losing hair and also 12lbs.

I proceeded to find an apartment and move forward when a few days later met another person. He is supportive and understanding of my situation but wants to spend all his time with me and we have had discussions about the future and he makes me happy and has also told me he loves me already. This has been going on for two months. A big part of me does love him but I know inside that I haven’t had a lot of time to ‘mourn’ the previous relationship. My Ex also still hasn’t accepted that i’ve left and continues to ask what my ‘end goal’ is (he thinks we still have a future together), he also insists he doesn’t understand why i left suddenly without saying anything. I feel like I did try to talk to him but he wasn’t open to talking about us, and it was too late.

So my first big issue is I feel guilty for leaving. Should I have stayed longer and given him more of a chance? I know if I stayed nothing would have changed and we’d be in the same situation eventually. He is typical Passive Aggressive man and I know he won’t change without accepting that and getting counselling. I am a typical Enabler and want to help and mother him and I need to work on that. (plus I still hurt a LOT from a long history of him not being supportive or there for me when a partner should be)
I am worried that I am taking that into this new relationship with a new guy. I am worried that I have gotten into a new relationship too soon. I am worried if I tell him I need time to be single and alone he will give up on me. I know that is a risk I would have to take but part of me is okay with that, and part of me is scared of being alone.

Any advice? suggestions? anyone else been in a similar situation? I feel like if this person makes me happy, what am i waiting for? But i also feel like i spend 5 days a week being happy and 2 being miserable feeling guilty and mourning the past.