Misha,

Yes, it makes sense why you’d be getting agitated, and its easier to let go of than you think. Those comparisons you make are very normal, we’re given these “icons” of beauty that people are supposed to be like,if they want love, dreams, etc. But oops, we’re different, therefore must be ugly, less, imperfect. All garbage. Consider a different view.

Surface beauty is just that, surface. Like the peel of an apple, it rests at the outside, and means very little. Most of the shape of your true beauty comes from inside, such as your tenacity, passion, humility, and love. Much like it isn’t this season’s leaves that give a tree its shape, your beauty blossoms from the trunk, the way you dance with the world. As you dance with him, it sounds as though he’s seeing all of that… knowing you, holding you, wanting to comfort, assure. Said differently, do you really think your love and appreciation of his beauty would snuff out because he got a new pimple? Then why would you think his love is so weak?

Consider that sometimes the reason why we’re left searching for self love isn’t because we’ve had an absence of love, but because we’ve not been helped to see why we’re lovable. “Oh, she’s so pretty”, “look at the size of those boobs!”, photoshopped perfectly plasticy looking skin, or hiding behind coverup, people pointing and saying “love that”. Sheesh, be free of that trash, dear sister. You have a spark, and that spark illumines your beauty… not the other way around. Unless the person is stuck looking at the surface, but those folks have enough issues without us bearing a grudge, or worse, adopting their view.

If you can tell your troubling emotions and thoughts are tied to higher levels of stress, you might be able to drop the maze altogether if you begin a meditation practice. Its like turbo stress relief, making a pocket of stillness in a busy life so the mind can unwind, refuel, rest. A great place to start is metta meditation, which will also help erode the anger toward your sisters for their various qualities. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

With warmth,
Matt