Thank you all for you wisdom and i will be taking into consideration all of the advise in order to progress forward. Ruminant I want to thank you in very much as well for such an insightful post. This journey is as difficult as anything i have taken on in the past. I find it troublesome in the way that i never really know what it is that is wrong or at the very least have difficulty quantifying it but certainly know that things are not exactly right. I was told by a Jungian philosopher and author that happiness is not all that we have all imagined, that life is more about finding meaning. “If you can fill your days with meaning that is about as good as it gets.” My work days are full of meaning, i receive tremendous gratification in what i do. But have trouble finding the meaning outside of work. This is where the sitting silent comes in. The two things i have in my life outside of work and my pursuit of accolades are my two children. These two are the loves of my life and i spend a great deal of time with them. This affection for them also breads anxiety in me as i do not want to be so developed with my children that i have not fully developed without them and will eventually feel empty when they are grown and gone. How does one nurture the meaning in ones life without becoming dependent on it? Is the time sitting alone suppose to be meaningful or is this just the time between meaningful events that i am just suppose to learn to be comfortable in? Or am i just WAY over thinking things and just not being in the moment thinking bout the future?