Dear xxx & inthebliss
Thank you for your responses.

I am sorry to hear that you have both been through a similar painful experience. I sympathise and if you managed to find any solace and comfort in my words I am glad.

Broken hearts do mend. Given time they will heal on their own but given intensive care by us they will heal much faster and be healthier & stronger than before.

So my only advice to you is to direct any energy, thought or care that you are putting into trying to change what is past; work out “what you did wrong/could of done differently”; analysing the relationship & behavior of your ex or beating yourself up – direct that energy into the present, into you.
You are here now, this is how it is

Do things for you. All of those good things that got thrown back at you? All that love that you gave and was not received in the way it should have been? You have all that love and goodness to give. So give it to someone who needs it, deserves it and will appreciate it… YOU!

Whilst in the midst of this horrible time my friend threw down a challenge for me to find 3 daily positives for 7 days and declare them. It was just one of those social media games, and my first thought was “oh no this is not a good time”. But I did it anyway. It meant I was making a conscious decision to look for positives during a really tough time. I found myself making positives happen, simple things like a picnic in the park, contacting old friends or simply giving myself a pamper night.
Doing these things made me feel good, declaring them resulted in receiving lots of positive feedback and having some cheerful conversations.
Most importantly all the positivity and good stuff that I put out there was received with grace and reciprocated. I have realised that I have lots of loving relationships in which I am appreciated. I had just focused most of my energy towards the one where I wasn’t. 
A couple of people at my workplace (who didn’t know anything about my personal life) commented that I was looking really well. One asked if I had been on holiday because I was glowing. Another said it must be love (how ironic!) But she is right in a way…. I tried for so long to make my relationship work I focused everything on it and neglected me… Now I was nurturing & loving myself and it showed from the inside out.

I’m not trying to make it sound easy or trivialise the pain I know you are feeling. My heart still aches and there are still quiet times of tears but this is recovery… it’s never a straight road. I just want to share my experience of what is helping me to heal with you.

You both seem like good giving people. If you had a friend in need I’m sure you would love & care for them… well you are that friend.

The time for analysing a broken relationship is when you are better. Then look back on it with fresh eyes, a rational head and strong heart. Only then can you learn the lessons it was meant to teach you and apply that learning to make future relationships better.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond and share your feelings. Thank you.

I know that you will both heal and I am optimistic for your futures. I hope that today and every day after brings you comfort and happiness.

With warmest wishes
Sue x