Hello Julia,

I empathize with you. We’ve all had inexperienced bosses, overly critical micromanagers, and even toxic bosses from hell. It’s great that you have a good relationship with J and he can serve as a mentor to you. Perhaps J could do a better job filtering S’s criticism of you. It wouldn’t be productive for J to share what S is saying behind your back unless it’s useful. Is J providing feedback to S regarding his approval of your work?

Mindfulness meditation can be beneficial for you, Julia. You can practice it at your desk throughout the day just by pausing and focusing on your (belly) breathing. Just a few deep breaths can reap benefits. With practice, mindfulness can empower you to intercept negative thoughts and help you develop mental discipline.

You’re probably aware that the difficult people we encounter can serve our spiritual gurus who teach us important lessons. There’s probably a way for you to help S become a more effective boss. You have many options: Not take his harsh words personally; communicate your concerns in a constructive manner during a one-on-one; cultivate kindness for S, perhaps invite him for coffee or lunch, just to know him better. You may learn that he’s threatened by you, or that he is going through personal issues, or that he’s just dishing out how he was treated by his parents or former bosses.

Since you’re heading for graduate school, you can approach this situation as a management case study for you to learn from and overcome. Either way, I have a strong feeling it will help you grow and to become a good manager down the line.

Peaceful Breathing,

Bill