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Bill Lee

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
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  • #61076
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    I empathize with you. We’ve all had inexperienced bosses, overly critical micromanagers, and even toxic bosses from hell. It’s great that you have a good relationship with J and he can serve as a mentor to you. Perhaps J could do a better job filtering S’s criticism of you. It wouldn’t be productive for J to share what S is saying behind your back unless it’s useful. Is J providing feedback to S regarding his approval of your work?

    Mindfulness meditation can be beneficial for you, Julia. You can practice it at your desk throughout the day just by pausing and focusing on your (belly) breathing. Just a few deep breaths can reap benefits. With practice, mindfulness can empower you to intercept negative thoughts and help you develop mental discipline.

    You’re probably aware that the difficult people we encounter can serve as our spiritual gurus who teach us important lessons. There’s probably a way for you to help S become a more effective boss. You have many options: Not take his harsh words personally; communicate your concerns in a constructive manner during a one-on-one; cultivate kindness for S, perhaps invite him for coffee or lunch, just to know him better. You may learn that he’s threatened by you, or that he is going through personal issues, or that he’s just dishing out how he was treated by his parents or former bosses.

    Since you’re heading for graduate school, you can approach this situation as a management case study for you to learn from and overcome. Either way, I have a strong feeling it will help you grow and to become a good manager down the line.

    Peaceful Breathing,

    Bill

    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by Bill Lee.
    #61075
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hello Julia,

    I empathize with you. We’ve all had inexperienced bosses, overly critical micromanagers, and even toxic bosses from hell. It’s great that you have a good relationship with J and he can serve as a mentor to you. Perhaps J could do a better job filtering S’s criticism of you. It wouldn’t be productive for J to share what S is saying behind your back unless it’s useful. Is J providing feedback to S regarding his approval of your work?

    Mindfulness meditation can be beneficial for you, Julia. You can practice it at your desk throughout the day just by pausing and focusing on your (belly) breathing. Just a few deep breaths can reap benefits. With practice, mindfulness can empower you to intercept negative thoughts and help you develop mental discipline.

    You’re probably aware that the difficult people we encounter can serve our spiritual gurus who teach us important lessons. There’s probably a way for you to help S become a more effective boss. You have many options: Not take his harsh words personally; communicate your concerns in a constructive manner during a one-on-one; cultivate kindness for S, perhaps invite him for coffee or lunch, just to know him better. You may learn that he’s threatened by you, or that he is going through personal issues, or that he’s just dishing out how he was treated by his parents or former bosses.

    Since you’re heading for graduate school, you can approach this situation as a management case study for you to learn from and overcome. Either way, I have a strong feeling it will help you grow and to become a good manager down the line.

    Peaceful Breathing,

    Bill

    #61069
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hello SpinBunny,

    I admire your strength to do the right thing and I wish you much happiness. Do be mindful of how you notify your trainer of your decision not to continue utilizing his services. Keeping it professional is the way to go.

    Peace & Blessings,

    Bill

    #61003
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hello SpinBunny,

    Because your trainer has a girlfriend, your obsession with him is unhealthy. Like any addiction, it’s important to identify triggers and avoid them. The trainer is a trigger for you. As Matt stated, it’s time to find another trainer. Practicing mindfulness meditation can serve as a potent comping mechanism. It will give you the mental discipline to intercept and block thoughts about him.

    I also encourage you to think about your trainer’s girlfriend. She’s probably a kind, decent person. If you were in her shoes, would you be comfortable with your boyfriend behavior’s toward one of his clients? And if he’s such a great guy, wouldn’t you think he would have established firmer boundaries?

    Additional food for thought: We don’t really know someone until we’ve been through thick and thin with them. Right now, what you share with your trainer is chemistry, physical attraction, and fantasies. For instance, do you know for a fact if he’s the type that would stick by his lover and be her caregiver if she became crippled?

    In Kindness,

    Bill

    #60057
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Dear Rewa,

    I commend the commitment you made and honored for nearly two decades. Whether your spiritual path has changed or the difficulties you’re facing now are part of your development, I urge you to respond in the manner of your true nature — with compassion. That’s when insight will emerge. As painful as it is to be spending time with your family, it seems like an opportunity to address and resolve the guilt that you have been carrying about your parents–and now feeling with your guru.

    #59394
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hi Ella,

    It sounds like you were closer to your grandfather than to your aunt, so it’s natural that you will grief differently. Our bodies and minds also know how much we can handle at a time, so your state of mind also factors into how you react to unexpected tragic news. I suspect that your grandfather’s death and the other challenges that you have faced have helped you gained insight about yourself and develop better coping skills, which may not be apparent yet. Just be gentle with yourself and avoid any feelings of guilt. Instead, focus on the good times or interactions you had with your aunt. Her spirit (as well as your grandfather’s) will always remain with you.

    In Kindness,

    Bill _/\_

    #58875
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hi Laura,

    Sending you positive energy and strength as you attend your daughter’s graduation. Kudos to you for placing your daughter’s feelings ahead of your own. Best wishes to your husband as well for Father’s Day.

    In Kindness,

    Bill

    #58845
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hi Laura,

    You have received very wise advice here. I would also encourage you to attend the graduation, even if your daughter doesn’t acknowledge your presence there. It may not be evident, but I’m sure some of her friends, classmates, and teachers empathize with you and will admire your dedication as a parent for placing her needs before your own.

    Your daughter sounds like she will have to learn some hard life lessons. It’s awfully painful to witness, but the best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open. That doesn’t mean you approve of her decisions or behavior.

    Your husband is hurt and feels rejected, and it is manifesting as anger. Unfortunately, his response is to hurt your daughter back. My advice is to help him re-direct his anger into compassion, perhaps by reminding him that your daughter is physically grown up, but emotionally very confused and doesn’t know how to establish her independence without being rebellious. Remind him of the happy times they shared. That sweet, loving little girl is still inside of her.

    There is no tougher job than being a parent to rebellious teens, especially if they’re smart and resourceful. Be good and gentle with yourself. Your inner child needs nurturing as well.

    Peace & Serenity,

    Bill

    #57440
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Jess brought up a good point. Some psychiatrist also served as a therapist, but many work in tandem with a psychologist, LCSW, or MFCC. Most work on a sliding scale. There are no-cost services available as well through county or community service agencies.

    #57397
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hello cherrymom,

    Kudos to you for reaching out to your friends for support. You mentioned going to the doctor. Was this an internist/general practitioner as opposed to a psychiatrist? I ask because, in addition to depression, you mentioned a number of other symptoms, including anxiety and mood changes; hence, it’s important to receive the right diagnosis and treatment.

    With so much on your plate, I can understand how meditation can be difficult, especially while contending with an active mind. I’m not sure if your practice include mindfulness and Tonglen meditations, but those help me considerably to calm my mind, control my thoughts, and cultivate compassion for myself and others. Getting in touch with your inner child and comforting it on a regular basis is important as well. It’s great that you have your support circle back home. That’s something to be grateful for. Peace and blessings to you.

    #57387
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    You’re welcome, tulips8. _/\_

    #57185
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hello Kelly,

    You have received amazing support and guidance here already. My advice is for you to avoid blaming yourself in any way for not seeing through the lies and deceit. In fact, I applaud you for being trusting and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Changing your nature would be a shame. Just learn from the experience. Your ex on the other hand, will live in fear always suspecting that people he (and his future children) comes into contact with are just as immoral as he is. Thanks for sharing the lovely poem.

    Bill

    #57184
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Kelly,

    You’re more than welcome. I’m glad you could identify with my post. It took me many years to realize how empowering compassionate can be. Have a peaceful weekend.

    Bill

    #57181
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Hi Jamie,

    Great advice (kind and practical) from Kelly and Big Blue. I would just add that it’s natural to want to hold on to the best parts of a past relationship, such as the friendship, yet we need to maintain firm boundaries in order to move on (which is often two steps forward and one step back). It may help to imagine a close friend coming to you with the same predicament. How would you advise her? That could offer you an objective and healthy perspective. I sincerely hope that at some point you and your ex can reconnect and maintain a healthy friendship. Unfortunately, sometimes friendships are lost because contact will trigger negative emotions for one or both parties. I’m sure you would want what’s best for your ex. If you truly want to check on his well-being, perhaps inquiring with a mutual friend or third party would be better. Be good to yourself.

    Bill

    #57144
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Dear PPT,

    First of all, I applaud you for acknowledging your own mistakes and owning up to them. As for the behavior of your so-called friends and their posse, unfortunately being petty and unkind are simply how many individuals act out. Putting others down in order to feel better about oneself usually indicates one’s own fears and insecurities.

    I have been in therapy for most of my adult life, focusing considerable effort on forgiving family, friends, and mortal enemies. Although the “adult” or intellectual part of me eventually gained insight regarding all the trauma, I kept suffering because it was my “inner child” that was still suffering and needed healing. If this resonates with you in any way, I will share that what helped me considerably was embracing the Buddhist concept of interconnectivity, along with practicing Tonglen meditation. Specifically, I focus on the common attributes that I share with my enemies and cultivate compassion for them. One technique is to picture people who have harmed you as 5 year-old children and imagine how they must have suffered and are still hurting as adults. You can also picture yourself as a 5 year-old and have a dialogue with them, informing them know that you understand and forgive them. This practice has helped me alleviate and get rid of ruminations, flashbacks, and nightmares. All of this is detailed in my latest book. I wish you inner peace.

    In Kindness,

    Bill

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)