Fell off the emotional wagon this past week

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    I don’t know how it happened. I know I’ve been under so much pressure for so long… But I was coping as well as could be expected, was taking care of myself, eating right… exercising… reading… learning. Last week for some reason everything stopped. I had no motivation to do these things. I didn’t even notice that I had stopped taking my vitamins. I became very sad and obsessive about little things. Something very hurtful happened, on top of everything else, and without even noticing I started to fall apart. After several days of severe panic attacks and an emotional roller coaster… I finally reached out for help from a couple of friends and went to the doctor. I have not been this bad in a long time.

    Today I’m a little foggy with medicine head… I’ve been given an antidepressant to cope in the meantime, and I forgot just how much this one effects me at first. It’s been years. I just don’t get it. No matter how hard I try or how hard I work… It’s like every time I go through this cycle of everything around me crumbling, the anxiety becomes worse. Mind over matter is not helping this time… because the familiar feeling of free-falling in exactly the same way as before is a snowballing fear for me. It just keeps growing all the way down the mountain. So many of these things are circumstances out of my control. So much of it boils down to trust and love and family… and the feeling of being cheated and of not being where I would like to be with my family life. It’s anger and resentment for those who continue to hurt my family through the courts for their own purposes.

    Heaven help me… I was in such a good place and now I’m lost. I have less than 2 months to move back home with limited funds and resources… But I have to do it to be back in my support circle and start my life over. We need the fresh start. I don’t know what to do. Even meditation is difficult… I can’t quiet my mind… the anxiety is creeping into every single thing I do.

    Bill Lee

    Hello cherrymom,

    Kudos to you for reaching out to your friends for support. You mentioned going to the doctor. Was this an internist/general practitioner as opposed to a psychiatrist? I ask because, in addition to depression, you mentioned a number of other symptoms, including anxiety and mood changes; hence, it’s important to receive the right diagnosis and treatment.

    With so much on your plate, I can understand how meditation can be difficult, especially while contending with an active mind. I’m not sure if your practice include mindfulness and Tonglen meditations, but those help me considerably to calm my mind, control my thoughts, and cultivate compassion for myself and others. Getting in touch with your inner child and comforting it on a regular basis is important as well. It’s great that you have your support circle back home. That’s something to be grateful for. Peace and blessings to you.


    Hello Cherrymom!

    What you go through sounds a lot like what I go through. I’ve had anxiety and depression for many years. I also slip into Hypochondriasis when I have let things get out of control, which leads me to be quite obsessive about various things (health wise mind you). But I’ll be doing so great, and then BAM! All of a sudden things aren’t great and I feel like these things are taking over my life and I’m without any ability to control it. It’s frustrating because all I want is to feel amazing and happy (like when I’m doing great) everyday! Have you ever thought about going to a psychologist? They are a little different than a psychiatrist. I’ve found it very helpful. Some of the health issues we have can be helped by both medicines (if you’re taking some) and talking to someone. I’ve also found that just pushing myself to do things like working out, when I really don’t feel like, is a blessing in disguise. Once you get yourself doing at least one thing that you love, even if you have to push yourself, you might find it’ll start relieving some of the anxieties.
    I hope you start feeling better soon!:)

    Bill Lee

    Jess brought up a good point. Some psychiatrist also served as a therapist, but many work in tandem with a psychologist, LCSW, or MFCC. Most work on a sliding scale. There are no-cost services available as well through county or community service agencies.


    Hi CM,

    Most times, bad events come out of the blue and surprise us !

    To add to the suggestions above:

    1) Meditation can be difficult when the mind is not calm – so try any form of physical activity. Walking outdoors works best for me. Even 15-20 minutes a day can make a world of difference in reducing anxiety/depression and help clear your mind.

    2) Listen to this one song by Sarah Brightman called ‘Moment of Peace’ – it brings me peace in turbulent times. Here is the youtube link:

    GOD Bless !

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