Forum Replies Created
July 13, 2014 at 10:02 pm #60811
I don’t think I would agree with things if I was in your situation. If you were to flip this situation around, would it be okay for you to have a male friend stay at your place and for you to walk around in your underwear in front of him? Would that be totally cool between your and your boyfriend if the situation was flipped? I don’t usually walk around in my underwear in front of my female friends, and well, I wouldn’t be doing it in front of a guy friend. If I’m purposely walking around in my underwear in front of a dude, it for sure isn’t because we’re “buds”. I do feel it can be tricky to be for men and women to be friends. I think sometimes (as everyone would know) one of them will be curious about the other.
I don’t feel this person you’ve been a girlfriend to is being completely honest with you. I do find it a little questionable that she would choose him instead of all of her other friends to stay with. I guess in my mind, I would wonder why she didn’t decide to go elsewhere. If I were to put myself in her position, I would probably find another place to stay because he’s got a girlfriend. And that would make things weird and I would feel that it would be disrespectful to stay at his place (especially even longer than intended) and expect to be all cool with the girlfriend. That’s crazy talk. I don’t think it’s totally unacceptable that you had a blow up. I would too! It’s a frustrating situation to be in when he’s not reacting or responding to how you think he should for the sake of your relationship with him while there’s there’s this other chick in his space. If he would not be cool with a dude staying at your place and you walking around in your underwear, then he should be able to understand why you got mad. You’re allowed to be mad, and you’re also allowed to know the truth if you think something more is happening.July 7, 2014 at 11:49 am #60345
First, masterbation is totally normal and healthy! Everyone does it or has. Even animals do it! You shouldn’t make yourself feel badly about it. It’s something that humans and animals both do!
I once was listening to a sex therapist, and she said something that stuck with me. She said that when you’re alone and want to get off, any thought you want to have, have it! It’s your mind and your thoughts that make you feel good, so have them. That being said, I’m sure she meant not thoughts that are considered not “normal” like hurting other people, just sinister things in general, etc. But if for example, you were totally into sock puppets, then, have as many sexy thoughts about sock puppets that you want! Ha ha
To be serious though, it’s completely okay and normal (and healthy!) to masterbate and think of things that turn you on. It’s not hurting your boyfriend that you love, and I’m almost 100% certain that he probably has many thoughts when he masterbates. And you shouldn’t feel like you’re unclean because you masterbate. Look up the health benefits of masterbating – there’s been research done as to how it’s beneficial for health. Plus that, if you absolutely need to orgasm, it’s probably better to let yourself do it than cheating on your boyfriend (I know you didn’t suggest that at all.)
You don’t have any reason to feel like this is a bad thing:) it’s probably a good thing to do for yourself!June 3, 2014 at 3:59 pm #58025
What you describe is actually a type of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). It encompasses many things. My mom has a help group that she runs and helps people with these types of things. Realistically, talking to someone who may run these types of groups or even getting help from a psychologist who might specialize more in anxiety disorder can help, but the issue may never totally resolve itself. But, it can help you learn how to interact with people and also not make you so anxious about people. It’s actually really helpful, and OCD itself is actually something that is hereditary in people, so sometimes it’s just learning that it’s part of you and learning ways to live your life to the fullest is very possible! I suggest you ask your doctor about your options.June 2, 2014 at 1:16 pm #57925
You say that you don’t want him back, yet you are expressing jealousy about this other woman. You can love someone,you can love them all you want – but it in no way means that it is always the best kind of love for you. You should do what is best for your child. I feel that living under the same roof, and still sleeping with him (seriously, you’re giving him the best of both worlds; no responsibility for him, but he still gets sex. Very bad for your self esteem.) isn’t the best thing for yourself or your child. I understand that people will stay together for their children. I understand the reasons they have for this. But, doesn’t it make for an unhappy situation? Children aren’t dumb; they can pick up on things and it can affect them. Maybe your solution is to live in the same city, and start new. It seems this man you’ve been with (and let’s face it, you still are) isn’t moving in the same direction as you. For things to work, and for it to be a happy situation, both people have to be moving in the same direction/be on the same page. Would you let a best friend treat you the way this man is? If the answer is no, then you know in your heart what is the best thing for yourself and your child. Go for your future goals (and your child’s), and surround yourself with what brings out the best in yourself – not the worst (example: jealousy and fear). Once you make your decision, you can reflect back on this moment and realize it was not so bad:)June 1, 2014 at 12:42 pm #57846
I was on Facebook. I deleted my account and I have not been on it for 4 years. It fascinates me how much people put into Facebook. It’s just a thing on the Internet. The things that consume my life are the people who are actually in it (people that I see in person regularly, talk to, spend time with, etc..). I think it’s a good thing to keep in touch with family who may not get to see on a regular basis. But everything else seems…pointless. The thousands of “friends” one can have on Facebook, are just that.. “friends”. And in my opinion, why on earth would you give two hoots about what those people think about your pictures, comments, status..it seems like this is something that people get upset over in their “real” life when someone is negative to them on Facebook. I think it would be worth a try to deactivate your account. Try something different for a day, and then turn that day into trying something different for a week. It’s very easy for people on Facebook to be negative, and to be hurtful, or to be judgemental. The Internet and social media can be a wonderful place to share our ideas, thoughts, triumphs..but it can also bring out the insecurities in people when being able to not be face to face to someone. I think that, just like in life away from he screen, the best places to nourish your happiness and healthy self, are places that are positive and help you learn or grow or experience positive things. Sometimes these social media sites do not become these places. I feel it would be helpful to seek out and find that place that builds no drama and only builds good things.May 28, 2014 at 6:23 pm #57599
Your situation is not strange at all! Everyone goes through a different life phases and at different times. The friends you’ve known since high school who haven’t started the same things, are just on a different page than what your life is on right now. I think it’s normal to enjoy time with your family and families are busy, I think it’s common to not have much room on your plate for the things you may have had time for previously. I’m a single person, but I have have had many friends have families or start families and the differences are there. I know that my life and the things in it, have different meaning and where I spend my time is different, just as it is for a family. Your focus now is spending time with your family and enjoying the time together (and it sounds like you are). And maybe given your family life, your circle of friends might change as well. Which isn’t a bad thing; just expanding because of the new things you’ve got in your life:)May 28, 2014 at 6:10 pm #57596
Hello RT Pat,
Oh wow. This sounds like a whole lot of drama no one needs! Friends should never try to ruin something that fills you with happiness and makes your life positive. Friends should be supportive always, and I can guarantee that if I ever had a friend talk badly about me to the person I wanted to be with, she’d be out the door so fast! Friends should always make you feel good and you shouldn’t have to win their friendship. The only time you can intervene on a situation is if it is actually truly hurting someone (physically, mentally, emotionally) to a point where it is detrimental to that life. If it isn’t, and it’s something that makes someone happy, excited, joyous about life – then a friend would never try to make that different for you. What she did was not out of a place of concern for you. It was sneaky. And deliberately hurtful. The people you should surround yourself with should be people who are positive and enrich your life in all aspects. I understand friendships can go through bumps in the road, just like any relationship. But if you ask yourself if this situation made things better, stronger, took you to a positive place – and the answer is no – it may be time to do a little spring cleaning in that area of your life. Take your life and whom you share it with to a better place; one beyond negative attitudes and toxic behaviour. Maybe your friend will be able to make a positive change for herself, but in the meantime until that happens, I think you could have many more enriching relationships than one that is a source of worry/stress. I hope you find a happy solution:)May 28, 2014 at 5:53 pm #57595
Sorry to hear about the office dramatics. I’m sure everyone has experienced a situation where there is one (or more) people who seem set on creating a negative atmosphere for everyone. Has anyone ever confronted this woman? I find that sometimes people who are negative in an office setting, have never been made aware that it is inappropriate to do so – no one has ever confronted them about their behaviour so they feel it’s okay to continue acting the way they are. Asking her if there is something bothering her, or if something happened to upset her might be a better approach instead of being aggressive back. It doesn’t have to be said in a mean or disrespectful manner, but maybe she’ll check her attitude or at least, she’ll give you an idea as to why her behaviour is like that. I have found that people who are unhappy are obviously just mean to other people for no reason. Sometimes it’s just a bad day they are having, or sometimes it’s a ton of things going on. She may be a very lovely person in a different setting, and maybe there is something going on when she shows up to work that makes her feel like she needs to be mean. Or maybe she’s unhappy with something causing her to be negative. I guess if all else fails, the rest of the people that are aware of how she acts could maybe come up with a solution to not be affected by her negativity. Maybe just saying “thank you for your input” and carrying on. Not sure if any of that helps, but I hope things get less dramatic in the future! After all, we shouldn’t let people who don’t know us or aren’t fully in our lives, ruin our day.May 26, 2014 at 6:44 pm #57434
As much as a difficult time this is that you’re going through, at the same time you should feel…excited? You now have opportunities to try things, and do things, that maybe weren’t an option when you were in a relationship. I think it’s important to keep yourself busy at this time and you’ll discover wonderful things about yourself. Maybe you’ll find something that you never thought you’d enjoy! I think there’s a wonderful aspect to breakups; they allow you to be free to do whatever you please. Those things can be small. Or they can be exciting and big (like volunteering in a different part of the world!) Whats something you’ve always thought about? What’s something that you can see making yourself very happy, at peace with yourself, excited about life? I try to ask myself these things when I’ve gone through an end to something. And it makes me hopeful for the happiness I can have.
As you might hear and it is the truth; things always will get better:)May 26, 2014 at 6:28 pm #57432
What you go through sounds a lot like what I go through. I’ve had anxiety and depression for many years. I also slip into Hypochondriasis when I have let things get out of control, which leads me to be quite obsessive about various things (health wise mind you). But I’ll be doing so great, and then BAM! All of a sudden things aren’t great and I feel like these things are taking over my life and I’m without any ability to control it. It’s frustrating because all I want is to feel amazing and happy (like when I’m doing great) everyday! Have you ever thought about going to a psychologist? They are a little different than a psychiatrist. I’ve found it very helpful. Some of the health issues we have can be helped by both medicines (if you’re taking some) and talking to someone. I’ve also found that just pushing myself to do things like working out, when I really don’t feel like, is a blessing in disguise. Once you get yourself doing at least one thing that you love, even if you have to push yourself, you might find it’ll start relieving some of the anxieties.
I hope you start feeling better soon!:)