Forum Replies Created
September 3, 2014 at 4:07 pm #64343
Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses.
No I have not grieved the baby. I wasn’t ready. I want to be.
As for food… Yes, when I am under great deals of stress nothing tastes right, my appetite diminishes. But I do eat healthy, and I eat as often as I can but still do not gain weight easily, even if I am eating 5 meals a day. I dislike fried and fatty foods. Something needs to change though. When stress is the worst my appetite is completely gone and I literally have to set a timer on my phone in order to be mindful of meal times throughout the day. It’s a constant struggle.
No nutritionist here… I am trying to find a good local program that does not cost an arm and a leg. I can’t afford much as a single mother with no child support at this time. (That’s a whole other matter). I do have a Yoga mat & blocks at home, as well as some good DVDs. I want to take it up again and definitely need to have a good diet plan in place to ensure I am not losing weight in the process.
Matt, I will definitely look up that book, thank you. I’ve also never heard of the metta meditation practice, I’ll research it by all means.
I’m also going to attempt to book an appointment with a local chiropractor/acupuncturist that happens to be fabulous (by review) and is in my health insurance network. He also works with many holistic remedies. My body feels ravaged right now. I’m skinny, my ears ring all the time (loudly), my hair seems to be greasy all the time and I have a breakout on my shoulders and back that I have not been able to get rid of for the life of me since the miscarriage. I lost so much more than just a baby that day. I think my body just said enough.September 2, 2014 at 4:29 pm #64284
Beautiful post thank you for sharing.May 22, 2014 at 7:39 am #56844
Thank you for posting. I’m going through much of the same myself. It’s difficult to bounce back from a betrayal! Consider yourself lucky… the woman mine betrayed me with works with both of us and it’s more and more difficult every day for me to have that situation directly there in my face. It’s taking strength that I often question having just to maintain composure. Even then, I have extremely high anxiety right now due to the fact that I am attempting to open myself up emotionally and finally deal with my own abandonment and availability issues. Every day that I deal with this I feel like I’m creating a whole new monster. It’s hard to find the balance between emotional openness and the right amount of emotional control… no less with so much hurt thrown at my feet.
I really hope that you find that peace and get past the hurt, because as much pain as that realization brings you… No one willing to hurt you is worth suffering over. And I know, I’m sitting here suffering over my ex too. And wondering why and when I’ll get past it. Just know you can be happy and do all that you can to keep busy and move forward in positive ways. Please post whenever you have a positive breakthrough. We are all here for you through the darkness and the light. You’ll find your way.
And wow, I just have to say… WHY is it that people who betray us always make us seek our own blame? This one did too! But therein lies the answer, right in the question. The whole point of the exercise was to deceive to get their own way. Remember that and just focus on you. It’s not YOUR issue in that case. You can’t blame yourself for being trusting, loving, or giving. These are things that women are inherently, it is in our DNA. You cannot blame yourself for trusting him, because you cannot know what is in the deepest spaces of his heart, only your own. We are not superheroes with x-ray vision and psychic powers. There is no way to truly know the mind of another. Learn to trust yours again. That’s all that matters. Xoxoxo.May 13, 2014 at 8:19 pm #56234
Don’t over-think it so much. You’ll need to be accepting of yourself and live in the moment. Close friendships are a bond to be shared with people who lift each other up and share common interests. If you take less time to focus on the “mechanics” of it and take more time focusing on actually getting to know people, and letting them get to know you… It will be a far easier process. It just takes time, a little trust, and the willingness to open your heart and mind to the right kind of people for you.May 3, 2014 at 6:13 am #55762
Thank you! I am trying to get back to that point again. A few months ago I was in such a state that all good things were happening… and it was all because I had shifted to that way of thinking and just “being” in the moment. I know this setback will not last forever. It’s frustrating that I was “there” and “here I am again”. It honestly makes me just want to scream. I know I have to see past the roadblocks and continue to be creative and fluid in order to work through this. I will not let my credit, finances, or any other past issues stand in my way… Something good has to come out of all of this. Just some adjustment time along the way.May 2, 2014 at 7:18 pm #55756
Thanks for the reply. He’s remarried… and actually lived with his girlfriend for 2 years illegally before she became his wife. He still craves that control and hates to see me happy. I’m glad I won’t be the one spending their whole life wasting time holding on to anger and control like he does.
Trying not to talk to the ex boyfriend, he’s my boss so I have to interact with him at work. I’m trying no-contact now outside of work just for peace of mind.
Thank you for your reply! I’m trying so hard. Sometimes it just feels so overwhelming, in the thick of things, when I’m working so hard to get out of all of this and just be happy… and the progress seems completely halted or even backwards due to the chaos that I’m in the middle of. Lucky for me I have some great kids, and they continue to improve & become more well rounded little people every day, especially since I started working on getting myself together. The changes were almost instant.April 29, 2014 at 12:29 pm #55593
I’m proud of you for doing so. Good luck!April 28, 2014 at 5:56 pm #55542
In my opinion, and it is just that… You need to take some time to figure out what you want out of a relationship, and just be open with him about what you want. It’s up to him to meet those needs, or not. It is still far too early in the relationship to be discussing much towards the future. He should also be coming to you. If you find that he is not meeting you half way, and that this is becoming very one-sided, then you need to take a step back to protect your heart and make sure you are not the only one developing an emotional attachment. Give him the gift of missing you. Let him come to you. Men are hunters by nature, and by allowing him to pursue his true nature, you will give him the gift of looking at you differently, and possibly even falling in love with you one day. Take some time and read. I’ve picked up quite a few great books recently… I’m actually reading a few simultaneously. Serenity by Jane Nelson is a good little book for learning to find your balance again and finding a peaceful feeling, going inward. Also, in your case… as it was in mine… I am reading an absolutely fascinating book called Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. I would recommend it to anyone. I’m also reading Getting to Commitment, and Choosing Me Before We. Among others. After being hurt in the past I’m in a position where I really want to learn as much as I can about relationships, and the reasons that I keep landing in the same position, the one-sided position with men that should otherwise have been a great match for me. And some that should not. Take some time and focus on you. That’s how you will get what you want out of life, whether what you want ends up to be him, or something entirely different.April 8, 2014 at 6:05 am #54473
I saw him. It was confusing but really kind of nice at the same time. He stayed a while, and kept hugging and holding me. He kissed me on the cheek and we chatted for a while, not about anything serious… Just enjoyed talking and spending time together. He was squeezing me so tight when he was holding me. He genuinely thanked me for helping out this weekend and told me how much he appreciates me. Then after a while he said he was having a little trouble with self control and it was time to go home. I agreed. I know in my heart nothing else can happen without a real and genuine relationship attached to it. It was hard but nice… because I could feel how much he cares radiating in every touch and movement, every look he gave me. The hard part is knowing without being told that deep down he does not feel he has enough to offer me, and that he is just not ready to open up yet. I hope his own journey takes him to special places and reawakens him. Still, it’s nice to have that moment and know for sure that there’s someone out there that thinks about you fondly. I’m also proud of myself for exhibiting such self control. I was just my charming self, in the moment, and commanding nothing but kindness and respect.April 7, 2014 at 4:31 am #54403
Looks like something I’d like to look into as well. It’s amazing what meditation can do!April 7, 2014 at 4:26 am #54402
I have to see him today for the first time since all of this happened. I had to help out and take his dog for the weekend. This is going to be tough. He’s been reaching out and texting and calling this week. He says he’s really happy that we are able to talk like we do after everything and that he still wants me to be a part of his life. He also says he does think about us an awful lot. But he’s still in we need to be friends mode, and I’m still totally unsure and on the fence and hurting through this process. This week has been tough. I’ve been entirely too open with him this week, as we have also communicated by email. I suppose it’s closure and just needing to be sure I’ve been my honest and true self. I think I’ve honestly said all the things that I needed to say. Still…. it’s all different when you’re face to face with that person. So today, I get to attempt to keep my composure, then go straight back to work after lunch with all of this on my mind. Yikes.April 3, 2014 at 12:46 pm #54113
That was beautiful Chad.April 2, 2014 at 5:23 pm #54042
First, please don’t drink and drive again. Sounds like you both need to cut the drinking down or out of your lives and start learning to deal with yourselves and each other in a different way. I don’t think therapy is a catch-all answer. You need to want to change on your own. And she needs to want to change on her own. There is no quick fix. But to make things change in your life, you need to try to do something you have never done before… and be committed to making positive changes that will enrich your life. As does she. JMHO.April 1, 2014 at 4:34 pm #53964
Thank you for your reply Cameron.
Wow what a day. He contacted me finally today. He sent an email that said that he was giving us space for emotions to simmer down so we don’t end up in the same situation again, and that his daughter is having a hard time with everything and asking for me, and also that he hopes that we can just be friends and find a spot in each other’s lives that way… as well as mentioning that the last two weeks have been extremely difficult for him as he has had so much going on. I don’t know how to handle it yet. Especially because I’m feeling just as Cameron was above. I don’t want to abandon his daughter. She thinks of me as her mother. None of this was my intention. Now it’s making this all feel like a divorce…. A much less painful than the real thing divorce, but you know what I mean.
I finally broke down and told him we would need to schedule some time to speak about how to deal with issues with his daughter moving forward.April 1, 2014 at 9:46 am #53936
It’s still hitting me. I should have known it would not have passed so easily. I feel lost and I have no motivation this past two days to do the things I enjoy, or the things that I need to. I know better, but I feel like I’m always going to be the little girl sitting in the window waiting for her daddy to arrive… waiting forever. Waiting for the most important man in my life to show up and show me that he wants to fight for me. This really brought up some past feelings from my father who passed away this year that I barely know, and my marriage. And not knowing if my new ex is keeping distance to respect my wishes and allow me to heal and move on… or really just doesn’t care… or is hurting. I know it’s not for me to know. But still, I’m a girl, I wonder. So much silence. Fear of the unknown. Memories of the past. Not a fun combination to have to allow to work through my system so I can find some peace. 🙁