Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Re-Finding My Center
- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 1 month ago by cherrymom.
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September 2, 2014 at 4:22 pm #64279cherrymomParticipant
Wow it’s been quite a few months. I stopped posting a while back. Plenty was going on, and I wasn’t expecting a miscarriage, a breakdown, more weight loss and health issues stemming from all of the above. I don’t really have anxiety attacks anymore, I faint. The doctor thinks it is due to the effects of long term stress and weight loss… hence the additional symptoms of constant loud ringing in my ears for months now and dizzy spells.
I need to find my way back. Several months ago I was on the right track. I was able to start quieting my mind and I was finding a peace I had never known before. Now that is difficult. I should also mention one of my fainting spells caused a pretty serious concussion. I’m finally able to multi task again and it’s getting better. Of all places, it happened in a hospital emergency room visiting someone I know, about two feet from a doctor and five other people. I’ve been irritable and frustrated at strange times… and that’s just not who I am. Due to my weight right now I am very restricted as far as exercise routines. I am thinking about taking up some light yoga again, but do so with the doctor’s warning that I am not to lose any more weight.
Can anyone point me please to a good books or practices that have helped you? I’m seeking something, anything, that I may learn that will help. What has helped you? I don’t like feeling so out of control.. and that’s where I am right now. I love to learn, however. Attempting to meditate and stay active just isn’t cutting it. I think it’s time to dig deeper. I don’t want to spend my entire life battling depression and chronic stress. I just want to feel more balanced and practice healthy habits.
Thank you in advance.
September 2, 2014 at 6:12 pm #64306MattParticipantCherrymom,
I’m sorry for your loss. 🙁 Consider reading “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times” by Pema Chodron.
Hang in there, sis. It sounds like you’re in your moon phase, where intuition grows in leaps and bounds, but also the shadows deepen. The more we can relax and self nurture during these emotional times, the less overwhelmed our bodies become. Consider starting a metta meditation practice. As we practice metta, our mind becomes more peaceful, spacious, where we can grab a pen and sort out what’s going on, what needs are being neglected, and especially helps us make the room to grieve shamelessly for our losses, cry it out, and heal tenderly over time. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.
Any self nurturing activities can help us unwind, feel more peaceful. What’s going on in your relationship to food? You sound like you’re carrying around a lot of stress, which naturally, usually, decreases our appetite. In such times, it helps to surrender our own intuition into the trust of an expert, such as your doctor. Instead of thinking “I’ll eat when I’m hungry”, or “nothing tastes appealing” for instance, consider approaching eating (per doc’s diet guidance, or nutritionist) as a way of being kind to yourself. A noble, meditative effort that you put forward to show your body its loved. Perhaps this (especially if combined with a metta practice), could quickly help you shift your relationship with food into a better balance, and I bet your body would feel much better. Again, any self nurturing actions you take can help, if the weight thing is for some other reason. More of a guess on my side. 🙂
No matter what the conditions are, you’re not broken, sis, just under the weight of stress, and it can erode, does… the river always overcomes the stone, and as dust, what once troubles us washes back into the sea. You’re on a well tread path, friend. Chin up!
Consider checking around for a grief counselor, someone specializing in helping people through such times. Books and meditations and so forth can help, but if there’s an empathetic and expert ear available, it could help a ton.
With warmth,
MattSeptember 2, 2014 at 7:05 pm #64311Big blueParticipantHi Cherrymom,
Sorry for your loss and all of these challenges. You do seem to be thinking properly.
Can you do the breathing part of yoga and would that help? Is there a physical therapy program that you can do? Can you do some strength-building exercise? Something that will build muscle?
Do you have a nutritionist?
A good book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
Big blue
September 3, 2014 at 4:23 am #64321InkyParticipantMiscarriages are horrible, remembering our experience. Have you grieved the baby? Done a ritual? It doesn’t have to be fancy, even lighting a candle for him/her.
It sounds like you’re not eating? (Unless the weight loss is caused by other things).
It might be helpful to have “Eating Stations”. You don’t have to have a farmer’s breakfast, but if you can force yourself to have a nip of cheese, great! If you grab a bite of sandwich at noon, wonderful! Grapes at three? Terrific! An appetizer at dinner, awesome! Try to have four (at least). This way your body will always be digesting something in its system, and that should ward off fainting.
The other things? Exercise, multi-tasking? Forget about it now! Grieving/meditating and eating are what you should deal with now. After the holidays, if you get through them without another spell, then tack on the other stuff.
September 3, 2014 at 4:07 pm #64343cherrymomParticipantThank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses.
No I have not grieved the baby. I wasn’t ready. I want to be.
As for food… Yes, when I am under great deals of stress nothing tastes right, my appetite diminishes. But I do eat healthy, and I eat as often as I can but still do not gain weight easily, even if I am eating 5 meals a day. I dislike fried and fatty foods. Something needs to change though. When stress is the worst my appetite is completely gone and I literally have to set a timer on my phone in order to be mindful of meal times throughout the day. It’s a constant struggle.
No nutritionist here… I am trying to find a good local program that does not cost an arm and a leg. I can’t afford much as a single mother with no child support at this time. (That’s a whole other matter). I do have a Yoga mat & blocks at home, as well as some good DVDs. I want to take it up again and definitely need to have a good diet plan in place to ensure I am not losing weight in the process.
Matt, I will definitely look up that book, thank you. I’ve also never heard of the metta meditation practice, I’ll research it by all means.
I’m also going to attempt to book an appointment with a local chiropractor/acupuncturist that happens to be fabulous (by review) and is in my health insurance network. He also works with many holistic remedies. My body feels ravaged right now. I’m skinny, my ears ring all the time (loudly), my hair seems to be greasy all the time and I have a breakout on my shoulders and back that I have not been able to get rid of for the life of me since the miscarriage. I lost so much more than just a baby that day. I think my body just said enough.
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