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Big blue

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 278 total)
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  • #66774
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    Sounds good.

    Big blue

    #66461
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Emunah,

    You have certainly done a lot and are mostly being reasonable. I say mostly because you need to address feelings of giving up on yourself. You need to do things to keep your spirit up. Focus on yourself. Get help if you are still having bad thoughts about going on in your life.

    Second, a PhD can take 6-12 years and some never get done. My ex has yet to.
    http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2010/04/18/education/edlife/18edlifephd-gr.html?ref=edlife

    So, find out where he is in the process realistically. Unless he is in the final month of defending his dissertation – to be done, sounds like he needs to get a job to help you. Can he find work in his field? If not, something that earns income and maybe let’s him do homework.

    Relationships need good communication. If he is shutting this off, tell him that’s not acceptable. He needs to work with you to meet your needs and the needs of your baby.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Big blue.
    #66325
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    Sorry it did not work out – frustrating!

    How long since your marraige split?

    Big blue

    #65988
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Steve and Matt,

    The common theme you shared is gratefulness. This is very powerful for each of you. I’ve read about it here at TB and other places, and then lived it. Said it. Told people face to face that I am grateful. For them. What they do. Where I live. Food. Exercise. My job. My family. My friends. Fresh air. Have told myself: Grateful for myself. My hard work. My sense of humor. Successes. Accomplishments. Learning. The mistakes that I’ve made and painfully learned from. The opportunity to approach each day with both experience and open arms. The sunrise, the day, the sunset, the night. I can say with certainty, that being honestly grateful is a very positive life force.

    Many of us found TB because we were torn and beaten down. Failed relationships. Lost causes we thought. Looking for a kind ear. A chance to share. To reach out across the table. To say hi there I am in horrible pain right now, and I could use some help. It’s a darn hard place to be. It is true, though, that simply being grateful can start to turn things around for you. It did for me.

    Thank you Steve and Matt.

    Big blue

    #65976
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Audrey,

    You are doing well based on your dedication and motivation.

    I agree with Chelsea – if you can – work with a trainer at least for two months to learn new things and change habits.

    – eat something every 2-3 hours, don’t go too long.
    – mix up your diet periodically to disrupt it. Have spaghetti once a week. Your body adapts so it does not change.
    – you may need to eat more. Your body has a survival mode. Be sure to eat enough protein, good fats, good carbs.
    – drink lots of water. I also sweat a lot.
    – do strength training. Muscle burns more calories throughout the day. Plus, you will feel and look awesom-er. Your clothes will fit better even if the scale does not move as you’d like.
    – get a good sleep. You need it and deserve it.
    – lower your bad stress, and increase your good stress, with play.

    What do you think?

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Big blue.
    #65393
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Chintoo,

    It took some guts to take the mic. You were nervous, which is normal. Next time you get the mic, say “let’s see if I do better this time” with a smile. It will defuse your nervousness, and everyone will relate to you. Whatever happens, you will grow from it and do fine.

    I was really nervous when I first spoke in front of groups. I got better each time, and now I’m ok with it.

    Does this make sense?

    Big blue

    #65114
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    A couple comments:

    1. Could your rapid and over the top praise around the first date be serving you for some feeling of inadequacy? In other words, are you making yourself feel better by proclaiming her wonderful-ness?

    2. If you are seeking a woman who does not have kids, with online dating, can you state this?

    “The saga continues. I think I am creating situations for myself where I set myself up to fail with women that I meet.”

    “There is pretty much no chance of me finding a woman without them.”

    In my case, if I were doing online dating, for example, I would say “non-smoker.” I would not then meet up with a smoker and then wonder why I’m not happy and failing to find a good match.

    Does this make sense?

    Big blue

    #64998
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi CM,

    I did not read more than a few lines of your post before scrolling down. The size of the post tells me you have a lot that you want her to *listen to.* The problem with that is that it’s one sided. You need to have conversations. With her more than with yourself. As others said, talk with her. Based on reading a couple comments from others, rather than dwell on past pains and grievances, learn to let that go and focus on your common values and moving forward.

    Big blue

    #64926
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Matt and Louise,

    Thank you! Your outlooks are inspiring. Setbacks as teachers and having grace. Awesome to do! When I have done these things, it does work well for me. Being ok with discomfort is at the root for me.

    Big blue

    #64606
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    “I am not going to try to force something that isn’t good for me again.” Awesome! Good insight. So we agree on what Not to Do.

    Re: what To Do. Try talking with the other ladies online. Or. From your earlier post: “I haven’t done anything as far as trying to date elsewhere. I don’t belong to any organizations and I am too focused on getting good produce to hit on women at the super market.” Honestly IMHO this is less than awesome. Steve, push your comfort zone! You are limiting your life with only online dating sites. But, no, I’m not telling you to become a Toastmaster and to drop your blueberries in the grocery store checkout line. 🙂

    Big blue

    PS: what about that sense of humor thing?

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    #64604
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Fred,

    You seem self aware and sincere about this. The advice above is amazing – you need to be very grateful for this.

    Taking a leap here Fred. Generally, you cannot control everything. “Messes” will happen. Even if you get your gf to change, which is not necessarily advised, what happens when you have kids someday? Or when you have a party there? Or, your cube mate or boss at work is messy. Or, Fred when you or they are sick, or old and gray? Will you deal with those cases with hard requirements that if not met will result in dire consequences? Or, will you show patience and compassion? Something to think about. If you are having something like control issues, look into what you can do to find some balance.

    Big blue

    #64492
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    A few thoughts:

    That would be a long text to send. A character counter puts it at half the length of the Gettysburg Address.

    “I just…” may not sound interested, authentic, or confident. I know what you mean about being honest, but you might be taking the fun out of dating by describing rather than being.

    How about something different! You said something about a sense of humor. Perfect. Use it. Invite her to something fun.

    Be easy on yourself. Be yourself. No matter what, take it slow. It will be easy for you to move too quickly in any dating for a while. What else are you doing besides looking online for dating?

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    #64396
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi faber,

    I totally agree with you being upset and not seeing this person again.

    As Matt said: Ditch the bastard, you’ll be glad you did.

    Go easy on yourself and take time to get over this experience.

    Then you will find someone who is worthy of you.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    #64339
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi J,

    You have a great attitude!

    By the way I agree on Matt’s awesome advice!

    Big blue

    #64311
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Cherrymom,

    Sorry for your loss and all of these challenges. You do seem to be thinking properly.

    Can you do the breathing part of yoga and would that help? Is there a physical therapy program that you can do? Can you do some strength-building exercise? Something that will build muscle?

    Do you have a nutritionist?

    A good book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

    Big blue

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 278 total)