Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→feeling regret and shameful for asking question
- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by Little Buddha.
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September 22, 2014 at 11:02 am #65355chintooParticipant
we had a company stakeholder meeting to discuss how we are moving ahead as a company, there was a question round where everybody had a chance to ask questions. Nobody was asking anything which made me feel that our stakeholders may feel bad about it. So I raised my had and asked a question.
Once I got mic in my hand I got nervous and lost the ability to frame the question properly, so though I asked the question it was very loose they were not able to get the question properly but got the jist of what I was trying to ask. So one of the stake holder new what I was trying to ask and he answered it. I felt very shameful infront of all for not able to ask question properly.
Though people started to ask question after I started.
September 22, 2014 at 9:53 pm #65393Big blueParticipantHi Chintoo,
It took some guts to take the mic. You were nervous, which is normal. Next time you get the mic, say “let’s see if I do better this time” with a smile. It will defuse your nervousness, and everyone will relate to you. Whatever happens, you will grow from it and do fine.
I was really nervous when I first spoke in front of groups. I got better each time, and now I’m ok with it.
Does this make sense?
Big blue
September 23, 2014 at 9:21 am #65426ChrisParticipantI know how you feel. I once spoke in front of a large group of my piers and totally blew it. It felt embarrassing. I’ve since taken public speaking courses and I’m comfortable on the stage. You were nervous in that moment but you had the courage to ask anyway. You should be proud of yourself and congratulate yourself for having the courage to ask an honest question when nobody else would, and most of all, forgive & love yourself. Many people find it difficult to speak in public or at times loose their train of thought and get nervous. Its fine. You are human. Public speaking is the worst fear for most people. If it really bothers you, decide to learn to speak in public joining a public speaking club or take a class. It’s the best feeling to take a “negative” experience like this and build it into a strength.
September 24, 2014 at 6:55 am #65471StevenParticipantHello Chintoo,
When I was in school, I never liked to ask questions for fear of embarrassment. At some point during my education, a teacher gave me this wonderful quote. I would like to share this Chinese saying with you.
“I would rather ask a question and be a fool for 5 minutes, than ask no question at all and be a fool for the rest of my life.”
And I can promise you this: Today, no one in that room remembers your question but you.
Bright blessings to you, Chintoo!
September 24, 2014 at 7:30 am #65472Little BuddhaParticipantHi Chintoo,
Your experience echoes something I myself often experience and so I wonder, did you ask a question because you had a question to ask only to find yourself nervous when asking it OR did you feel compelled and pressured to ask a question in order fill a silent void, relieve the uncomofortable tension in the room, and “make others feel better”?
If it’s the latter, I’m not surprised that you had trouble formulating the question and were feeling nervous. The question may not have been genuine. In my experience, I find that if there’s something I really want to know and something peaks my curiousity, the question just comes up naturally. I still might get nervous once all eyes are on me, but because the motivation to speak stems from a personal need to know, once I get going, the eyes around me disappear and I’m simply conecting with the person I’m addressing. Others may benefit from hearing what I have to ask and the response, but the primary driver is personal and they just become observers in the exchange.
However, if I’m asking a question for the sake of asking a question, I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for everyone else in the room. I’m not really looking for a response. I’m not really engaging with the person I’m addressing. I become highly aware of the feeling and mood in the room and I’m unconsciously scanning the situation to see if I’ve successfully broken the tension. If you’re attention is split (addressing the recipient and scanning the room), you’re bound to get anxious and loose your thread.
Next time you feel the tension, see if you can just sit with it and not react. If the floor is open for questions, don’t look around, but look inside. Is there something you REALLY want to know? If so, take a moment to review your notes, reflect on what you heard, and maybe even write down your question before asking. If not, then just stay silent. You’re not there to make others feel better. You’re there to learn, engage, explore, and expand your knowledge.
And I agree with what others have said. Public speaking takes practice. Try out “Toastmasters International”. It’s a great organization that will help with your public speaking. However, always be aware of where your motivation is coming from and make sure you’re speaking because You have something YOU want to share or YOUR asking a question because YOU want to know. Not for the sake of others.
Namaste brother!
- This reply was modified 10 years ago by Little Buddha.
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