Death of a Family Member

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    Hi all,

    Yesterday my aunt died unexpectedly and I feel nothing. Ive been looking into grief and I behaved entirely differently when my grandad padded. I feel like I’m blank and like every conversation I tune out of and find my self just agreeing. I luckily have a very supportive boyfriend who wants to help me through this, offering to listen and stopping me from romaticing a relationship that was never really a close one. I feel guilty for not visiting more but life kind of got in the way. I’m unsure how to proceed from here and don’t want to spiral downwards and undo all the progress I made with regards to my grandads death, myself and my depression. I’d appreciate your thoughts.

    Bill Lee

    Hi Ella,

    It sounds like you were closer to your grandfather than to your aunt, so it’s natural that you will grief differently. Our bodies and minds also know how much we can handle at a time, so your state of mind also factors into how you react to unexpected tragic news. I suspect that your grandfather’s death and the other challenges that you have faced have helped you gained insight about yourself and develop better coping skills, which may not be apparent yet. Just be gentle with yourself and avoid any feelings of guilt. Instead, focus on the good times or interactions you had with your aunt. Her spirit (as well as your grandfather’s) will always remain with you.

    In Kindness,

    Bill _/\_


    I agree that perhaps you were simply closer to your grandfather. Then again, it is still early. Let things flow, and be the observer, and don’t wonder too much. I have experienced something similar recently, and for me it’s because I wasn’t close to one, but the other one lived with us everyday for over 11 years. That’s just how it is.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by eaglestare.

    Good morning
    Would love to get it all out It started in 2010 i witnessed my brother pass away right before my eyes i had spent the last three days with him before he passed had got a priest an hour before before my brother rested he thanked me then left he was 46 yrs old.when that was happening my father and bestfriend was in icu in a different town so i had to travel there with that news and also news that my aunt dads sister also passed days before my brother.What i had witnessed with my brother passing was unexplainable it was so much shock to me that it has made me different just lost.I go to my father shocked and nervous of how to tell him and explain that I had to make a funeral for my brother too.I was all alone and numb.very very hard they let my dad out to go to funeral it was helded for 3 days.sept 2010 my nana passed away was unable to go as i lived in the city with no vehicle to get there very sad i missed that she was a great person to me.april 2012 my husband passed away was unable to go to that funeral as his family rude people they were rude to my daughter which sadden to say too i wasnt there to support her very sad once again.feb 2012 my father and best friend passed away never got to say goodbye the funeral parlor did me so wrong i was the excutor also.So at this point in my life i was abandoned when I was a babe and feel abanded now I have 2 beautiful kids left all my family has left(passed away)my kids are older and have there lives and live hrs away and dont want them to see and show that side of me.I read things that say you can go on if it taught you something or learned a lesson from such.I don’t understand I learned only that Iam alone and trying to move forward but with all this inside its so hard.I don;t feel like doing much i feel stuck and lost and don;t have strength to go and explore trying but with all this its really hard.I have also just learned with all these traumas in a short time my resilience is very low from holding everything in and trying to show iam strong and can handle this but cant do it anymore need to get it out and hoping that helps so i can get me back tks for listening
    Also have to say most of the time with this i drank to not feel stopped drinking and now its for real to deal coming to the surfice

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by lisa.
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