I was taken out of 8th grade to be home schooled because of my severe anxiety. The anxiety attacks would leave me in bad condition and unable to function. Once taken out of public school, they stopped. For a little while. I was home schooled all through 9th grade, and after 9th grade was over I came to the harsh realization that I wasn’t getting the education that I needed. I’m a girl who’s always had big dreams and I’ve always thought of myself as smart and determined. Maybe even naive. I thought I could do anything, no matter what. I realized that if I wasn’t getting the education needed, I would never accomplish the goals I had. To get into a good college and to go into a career I had a passion for. Even as I sat there and thought, okay…I know this and I know that I have to go back to public school, I felt the panic well up in me. My chest tightened and I told myself to stop. I needed to do this for me, my future. My mother called the board of education and they gave me terrible news. Because I wasn’t attending an online school (I was doing it by the books, and that’s it) I would have to re-do 9th instead of go into 10th. I was horrified. It feels like I’ve failed. On the 7th of August, I will go back to school. 9th grade. It feels like I’ve lost myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. Who am I? Why am I so worried about the kids at school? Why do I have these panic attacks at the mere thought of school? I shouldn’t be worried about what they think of me. But I am. I feel like I don’t even have a personality. I’m just blank. I need to find myself and somehow find light in this situation. It’d be nice to have some suggestions as to how I might do this. 🙂